Even the baddest of bad guys cares about how they look in the heat of the battle!!
Killing good people and destroying universes can be extremely taxing on one’s nerves, not to mention ones complexion!
True fact: The Sith were the original inventors of facial masks!
Yes it’s true! While in exiled, and plotting their revenge on far distant planets, the Sith also fretted over how the blazing suns of Tatooine and other conquered planets were creating wrinkles prematurely. Over the years, and when they returned from battle, they began experimenting with different aloes and minerals; each creation aiming to be the perfect masque for healing their toasty and wrinkled skin. Some just didn’t appear work as was the case for Darth Sidious (who’s got more wrinkles than him: Vincent Price or a Sharpei puppy?)- now we know why he kept himself under wraps! Then you get those that downright backfired; Darth Maul jumps to mind! If he weren’t so hellbent on killing all the Jedi Knights and Senators, he could have tried to work with them to pass some new legislation around facial crèmes and SPF! Finally it was Darth Vader who figured it out! He just wrapped himself in a hard plastic shell; but what he didn’t realize was the damage he was doing by not removing the mask periodically to exfoliate. Well!!! For those who saw Star Wars 6, let that be a lesson to you! You still need to moisturize and let your skin breathe!
Just remember acne and wrinkles don’t care if you are Jabba the Hutt or a Mandolorian named Boba Fett…get yourself some moisturizer! Besides the Force, it seems like that knowledge (along with a gift certificate from the Lancome counter) was what Darth Vader was able to pass onto his fairly complexed children!
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Tuesday's with Forever Your Girl
Maybe she should have just kept to blowing kisses in the wind and stayed seated behind the judge’s table.
Sure, it’s advice that in hindsight makes perfect sense, but when opposites attract, it’s hard to talk sense to anyone!
Now all she has on her hands is a cold-hearted snake trying to sell a book. If she would have just looked him in the eyes she would have realized his love was not for real!
So, here’s the conundrum, Ms. Paula “robbing the crunk cradle” Abdul might have compromised herself with more than just the way that she loved one contestant; what if the show’s integrity (oxymoron?) has been compromised? There are folks out there (mainly the losers who didn’t make the finals) calling for her dismissal! What would we (America) do to replace her? And with whom? Could they hold an American Idol-esque competition to select a new judge? Would a casting couch be involved (again)?
Interesting question: Who would replace her? Who needs a job these days? What has been celebrity needs a chance to wash ashore on Comeback Island?
Kathy Lee-Gifford?, Tara Reid?, Cojo?, Whitney fresh from rehab?, One of the Cardinals that didn’t win Pope?, Hey, what about Jennifer Wilkins? I guess I would have to cast my vote for William Hung.
Sure, it’s advice that in hindsight makes perfect sense, but when opposites attract, it’s hard to talk sense to anyone!
Now all she has on her hands is a cold-hearted snake trying to sell a book. If she would have just looked him in the eyes she would have realized his love was not for real!
So, here’s the conundrum, Ms. Paula “robbing the crunk cradle” Abdul might have compromised herself with more than just the way that she loved one contestant; what if the show’s integrity (oxymoron?) has been compromised? There are folks out there (mainly the losers who didn’t make the finals) calling for her dismissal! What would we (America) do to replace her? And with whom? Could they hold an American Idol-esque competition to select a new judge? Would a casting couch be involved (again)?
Interesting question: Who would replace her? Who needs a job these days? What has been celebrity needs a chance to wash ashore on Comeback Island?
Kathy Lee-Gifford?, Tara Reid?, Cojo?, Whitney fresh from rehab?, One of the Cardinals that didn’t win Pope?, Hey, what about Jennifer Wilkins? I guess I would have to cast my vote for William Hung.
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Tuesday's Wedding March
All apologies to the lovely and talented Deborah Cox…(although no outright apologies have come from Jennifer Wilbanks)…here’s my rendering of “Nobody’s Supposed to be Here”…..
“She spent half her life
On a search to find,
14 friends who will to commit to wearing burgundy
Who’ll all lend in on her day of need,
But when they turned around,
She’s nowhere to be found
John’s heart got broke
Oh it hurt so bad
It’s sad to say cold feet win again
Jennifer had placed her ass on a greyhound bus
To take some time to think about all the fuss
And John turned around she wasn’t standing there.
How did she get there? The wedding supposed to be here!
She trying psychotherapy for the first time
Good fashion sense says, “NO NO”
Nobody wears a blanket on their hair
But dad came along and took her back home…
“I was abducted! It’s true!”
But if only she knew
How many people searched the woods through
To come up with some hair, but nary a clue
Now she admits she lied
Duluth debates if she should be tried
She took a bus to Las Vegas to spread her wings
Impending weddings make you do some crazy things
So they placed the wedding ceremony on delay
To take some time to take care of her
But when she turned around the DA is still standing there
How did she get there? The wedding supposed to be here!
She trying psychotherapy for the first time
Good fashion sense says, “NO NO”
Nobody wears a blanket on their hair
But dad came along and took her back home…
Next week we put together the ultimate “Runaway’s Bride’s Guide to the Alter and Beyond…..” Always pack something that will look good on your head if you need to hide it later….like a simple veil, or train….not grandma’s 45 year old afghan!” and don’t forget “Teddy Ruxtpin” for the flight home!
“She spent half her life
On a search to find,
14 friends who will to commit to wearing burgundy
Who’ll all lend in on her day of need,
But when they turned around,
She’s nowhere to be found
John’s heart got broke
Oh it hurt so bad
It’s sad to say cold feet win again
Jennifer had placed her ass on a greyhound bus
To take some time to think about all the fuss
And John turned around she wasn’t standing there.
How did she get there? The wedding supposed to be here!
She trying psychotherapy for the first time
Good fashion sense says, “NO NO”
Nobody wears a blanket on their hair
But dad came along and took her back home…
“I was abducted! It’s true!”
But if only she knew
How many people searched the woods through
To come up with some hair, but nary a clue
Now she admits she lied
Duluth debates if she should be tried
She took a bus to Las Vegas to spread her wings
Impending weddings make you do some crazy things
So they placed the wedding ceremony on delay
To take some time to take care of her
But when she turned around the DA is still standing there
How did she get there? The wedding supposed to be here!
She trying psychotherapy for the first time
Good fashion sense says, “NO NO”
Nobody wears a blanket on their hair
But dad came along and took her back home…
Next week we put together the ultimate “Runaway’s Bride’s Guide to the Alter and Beyond…..” Always pack something that will look good on your head if you need to hide it later….like a simple veil, or train….not grandma’s 45 year old afghan!” and don’t forget “Teddy Ruxtpin” for the flight home!
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