Say it ain’t so! I feel so violated and naïve! Who ever would have thought that they weren’t going to make it!
Yes, it is true, after only a short month-long engagement, Talan and Kimberly Stewart have called off their wedding. I’m finding this hard to accept! I just won’t be able to watch Laguna Beach anymore!
Something else you might not have missed:
Jessica Simpson announced nothing newsworthy today- thus bringing her streak of non-newsworthy press conferences to a rousing 63 for the year; barely out distancing Michael Jackson and President Bush. Jessica did want to remind everyone that Thanksgiving is traditionally celebrated in her household whenever she, her sister, or her husband don’t make the cover of a gossip or weekly tabloid magazine. After her “non-announcement” she seemed to think there was something else she was supposed to tell the press, but apparently couldn’t remember what it was. When “egged on” by the press about her relationship with Nick Lachey, she simply said that the two of them were still happily married and looking forward to celebrating the holidays apart, again. One reporter then queried the “blonde” singer about her own press report announcing the split between her and Nick. Jessica replied that she doesn’t read what people write about her, nor does she believe her own press.
If those two had not parted ways, then my hunch is that the following, “ripped from the headlines” story, might have been about Nick…”man beat family to death on Thanksgiving”.
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Tuesday's with Mike in Kitchen
Mike Tyson has finally retired from boxing, again.
Following in the footsteps of George Foreman, Mike Tyson is venturing off into a new career opportunity in the kitchen. Mike Tyson will be hosting a cooking program! Just when NBC cancels Martha Stewart and her television show, “The Apprentice”, another rogue with run-ins with the law steps up to take her place. No longer will you have to read about him pushing away those unruly camera men, unless they get too close during his crème brulee segments!
Some of the recipes intended to be highlighted on his show come from his mother, his sister, the guy that was two cellblocks down while Mike did time in prison, and a few inspired by his career in boxing. Given his propensity for cannibalism, it is expected that Mike will debut a tasty hors d’ oeuvres recipe made entirely from bits from Evander Holyfield’s ear; dipped in a spicy guacamole sauce, who could resist? Also expect to see the secret ingredients to his “Hansel and Gretel” soup. Plucked fresh from the arms of Lennox Lewis (no easy task to do!) you simply drop Lennox’s children into the same vat of hot water that Mike usually found himself in. After coming to a nice rolling boil- like Mike did so often in his career as a fighter, you set the dish aside to chill, for about 3 years, at your local prison. Serve with a dollop of sour cream…ooh la la! What Robin Givens wouldn’t give for a bowl of this!
Again, like Mr. Foreman, Mike Tyson also plans to launch an appliance to help get some of you most difficult work done easily; he’s calling it: “Mike Tyson’s 12 pack ice cube tray”. Because honesty, that’s about the only recipe he can ever get right, as long as it is 12 cubes or less…
Following in the footsteps of George Foreman, Mike Tyson is venturing off into a new career opportunity in the kitchen. Mike Tyson will be hosting a cooking program! Just when NBC cancels Martha Stewart and her television show, “The Apprentice”, another rogue with run-ins with the law steps up to take her place. No longer will you have to read about him pushing away those unruly camera men, unless they get too close during his crème brulee segments!
Some of the recipes intended to be highlighted on his show come from his mother, his sister, the guy that was two cellblocks down while Mike did time in prison, and a few inspired by his career in boxing. Given his propensity for cannibalism, it is expected that Mike will debut a tasty hors d’ oeuvres recipe made entirely from bits from Evander Holyfield’s ear; dipped in a spicy guacamole sauce, who could resist? Also expect to see the secret ingredients to his “Hansel and Gretel” soup. Plucked fresh from the arms of Lennox Lewis (no easy task to do!) you simply drop Lennox’s children into the same vat of hot water that Mike usually found himself in. After coming to a nice rolling boil- like Mike did so often in his career as a fighter, you set the dish aside to chill, for about 3 years, at your local prison. Serve with a dollop of sour cream…ooh la la! What Robin Givens wouldn’t give for a bowl of this!
Again, like Mr. Foreman, Mike Tyson also plans to launch an appliance to help get some of you most difficult work done easily; he’s calling it: “Mike Tyson’s 12 pack ice cube tray”. Because honesty, that’s about the only recipe he can ever get right, as long as it is 12 cubes or less…
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Tuesday's Love Letter
The Washington Post has issued a retraction today regarding a story they broke last week.
Last Thursday news broke that purported that access to emails, that the former FEMA chief Michael Brown (“Brownie” if you’re the President) wrote to other FEMA employees during the midst of Hurricane Katrina, had been obtained by a congressional investigative committee. These emails contained statements like, “Can I quit now?”, “can I come home now?” and “I’m trapped, please rescue me”. Quite damaging when you realize how flippant and aloof these comments were in such a time of crisis…but now, under further investigation, the Washington Post believes that Michael Brown does not appear to be the person who actually wrote these emails; it appears these comments were actually attributable to either Harriett Miers or the President himself.
In other news, it appears that George W. Bush, recognizing a lame duck president when he looks in the mirror, will nominate himself for the post of Supreme Court Justice. He was heard saying to Dick Cheney, “heck, if a couple of girls can do it, why can’t me?”
And finally, ultra-conservatives have adopted a new motto that espouses their commitment to Jesus and politics. “Love The Man, not His word” .
Last Thursday news broke that purported that access to emails, that the former FEMA chief Michael Brown (“Brownie” if you’re the President) wrote to other FEMA employees during the midst of Hurricane Katrina, had been obtained by a congressional investigative committee. These emails contained statements like, “Can I quit now?”, “can I come home now?” and “I’m trapped, please rescue me”. Quite damaging when you realize how flippant and aloof these comments were in such a time of crisis…but now, under further investigation, the Washington Post believes that Michael Brown does not appear to be the person who actually wrote these emails; it appears these comments were actually attributable to either Harriett Miers or the President himself.
In other news, it appears that George W. Bush, recognizing a lame duck president when he looks in the mirror, will nominate himself for the post of Supreme Court Justice. He was heard saying to Dick Cheney, “heck, if a couple of girls can do it, why can’t me?”
And finally, ultra-conservatives have adopted a new motto that espouses their commitment to Jesus and politics. “Love The Man, not His word” .
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Tuesday's Family Secrets
Janet Jackson announced today that she couldn’t remember if she had a daughter or not.
“I’m not sure why theses stories are coming to light right now, I have no new album to promote or perfume to market”, she quipped to a local reporter.
Janet’s ex-husband’s brother ignited the flames of this story by claiming that Rebbie Jackson is raising Janet’s 18-year old daughter. All this really goes to show you is if you can’t sing in the Jackson family, you’re gonna get stuck with the kids! Census workers have been brought in to count heads in the Jackson household, but fear they won’t be able to get an accurate number because they can’t keep track of all the kids in Neverland Ranch; are they family or dates? Speculation is growing that President Bush, in order to shore up the waning support of his presidency, will name a special prosecutor to oversee the investigation. “The question of whether or not Ms. Jackson (when she is nasty) has a child appears to be of more public interest than anything I have been doing lately”, Bush was quoted as saying. With nothing to do, and 3 more years to do it in, it is widely believed that Mr. Bush himself will lead the investigation.
“I’m not sure why theses stories are coming to light right now, I have no new album to promote or perfume to market”, she quipped to a local reporter.
Janet’s ex-husband’s brother ignited the flames of this story by claiming that Rebbie Jackson is raising Janet’s 18-year old daughter. All this really goes to show you is if you can’t sing in the Jackson family, you’re gonna get stuck with the kids! Census workers have been brought in to count heads in the Jackson household, but fear they won’t be able to get an accurate number because they can’t keep track of all the kids in Neverland Ranch; are they family or dates? Speculation is growing that President Bush, in order to shore up the waning support of his presidency, will name a special prosecutor to oversee the investigation. “The question of whether or not Ms. Jackson (when she is nasty) has a child appears to be of more public interest than anything I have been doing lately”, Bush was quoted as saying. With nothing to do, and 3 more years to do it in, it is widely believed that Mr. Bush himself will lead the investigation.
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