on my radar: lumps of coal

The annual phenomena known as "accounting for one's behavior" hits a frenzied pace as the minutes tick closer to midnight (of Dec. 24th). The next few hours will be the crucial litmus test that will clearly identify if one's actions were really appreciated by others, or if you have been sadly misunderstood; yep, them lumps of coal lets you know that you, and only you, found more good, and less evil, in your actions, then anybody else. How nice would it be to feel "got"?

So the awkward shape in my stocking gave me a moment's pause- surely Santa knew when I was (and wasn't) joking. Could he really discern my sense of humor at anything Britney Spears related this year and not mistake me for a mean spirited Perez Hilton or TMZ? Was I to be the recipient of coal for lack of another's understanding (wow, my very own Isaiah Washington moment)? Consider for the moment getting a lump of coal; if I had a heating bill issue I might find the gift rewarding, but seeing how I'm electric, coal was not a good omen.

After pondering the shape of the object in my stocking for another minute, with dread building inside, I took the plunge (like a child being coaxed into it's first dive into the deep end of the pool) reached my hand into the stocking and pulled out the present.

And what to my wondering eyes did appear, but a gift, no longer gift-wrapped with fear. I could tell right away that this was no ordinary lump of coal, in fact, it wasn't coal at all! I rejoiced and relaxed, knowing my Christmas would be saved, because Santa "got" me and didn't bequeath to me twelve new months of generosity and groveling to make the point for Xmas 08, in the shape of coal. Instead I was handsomely rewarded with... a nose?

Swaddled, like nothing but the baby Jesus, lay a nose, tightly bound in gauze. What the hell was this I found; explain to me why this is what I was given! But wait, this nose was distinctly familiar to me- I had seen it before, on TV, if my total recall was intact. Yes, I know this nose! More clear than the pictures of Britney's vagina was my new appreciation for the humor of Santa. With this nose I learned that not only did Santa have a sense of humor, but he was also a regifter!! This was not a random nose that was cut off despite it's face, this was the old nose of Ashley Tisdale!

My humor was able to remain intact and my spirits quickly lifted,
all because Santa regifted.

Christmas 2007 was saved by a nose!