Tuesday's Pope Watch 2005 continued...

While the world watches the “Chimney Cam” we take you back to the unofficial Papal election:
In the first round the challengers were:

Camilla Parker-Bowles vs. Madonna: one is the future Queen of England the other the Queen of Pop: both are adulterers and divorcees, but you just can’t become Pope without being Catholic…Madonna wins!

Angelina Jolie vs. Jennifer Anniston: Oscar winner vs. Emmy winner; home-wrecker vs. America’s “Friend”: Everybody loves a sinner, especially when it’s a Cardinal sin! Beating Rachel by a hair-do, the lips have it…Angelina is on to the next round.

Bono vs. Bob Geldoff: 2 Irishmen: one wants to end 3rd world debt, the other 3rd world hunger. One sings of “Sunday Bloody Sunday”, the other doesn’t like Mondays. In a virtual tie, the winner goes to the one who’s sold more records…Bono.

Desmond Tutu vs. Nelson Mandela: Both African’s, one’s a Priest and Noble Prize Winner vs. one who was a President and a Prisoner. Hard to beat someone who already has God on their side…they say, “Don’t mess with a missionary man he’s got the saints and apostles backin’ up from behind!” Desmond is onto round 2!

Lance Armstrong vs. David Beckham: Both are stars in their respective sports, one has rumors of steroid use chasing him, the other has rumors of infidelity. If Catholics want to strengthen their position with young women and gay’s (oxymoronic one thinks…) the metrosexual moves on!

OJ vs. Scott Peterson: reform is possible. What lengths would they go to keep the Church’s secrets? Sadly, the robes didn’t fit, so OJ had to quit…Scotty moves on!

Oprah vs. Martha Stewart: billionaire vs. billionaire: mogul vs. mogul: but when it comes down to it, cleanliness is what’s next to Godliness! Martha moves on with her ankle bracelet freshly engraved with “WWJD?”

Terri Hatcher vs. Marcia Cross: these two desperate housewives have been going at it in the press! The bible always loves the underdog, so in this meeting of crash and burn careers vs. lesbian rumors, Terri gets the red swimsuit and moves boldly into the second round!


Still no smoke and bells?

Round two pits Madge vs. Angie; Bono vs. Desmond; Beckham vs. Peterson; and Martha vs. Terri