How do you solve a problem like Britney? How do you take this ex-Mouseketeer and pin down her issues? I kept hearing all about this "post-partying depression" syndrome everyone says she is suffering from and said, "wow," so that's what me and David Lee Roth have been going through all these years! Close-up this unsolved mystery, this ain't no cold case no more! All along I was just feeling the blues like a Black Snake Moans! Then someone (Brooke Shields, no less!) goes and corrects my English and state that it's "post-partum depression" that's got the Britters atitters.
Well that just down right confused the heck out of me! I got the first one except for the part where depression is usually an energy-zapper, not a "puke at parties, dance past dawn, and beat the car with an umbrella" power enhancer, but regardless, I bit that explanation. Brooke's makes no sense! Britney had those kids months ago, and seems not to care for them one bit! Maybe that form of depression is what in the real estate industry folks call "buyer's remorse." Shearing your locks is easy to sum up as "crazy like Courtney before rehabbing herself," and tattoo's, who doesn't love them?
So I was sure confused about all this stuff till Miss Jolie set me straight today when she announced the plans to adopt a Vietnamese orphan. Seems she can't get enough of them children; almost to a basketball team! So I figured, if you don't like the husband of your kids, you get post-partum depressed, but if you're happy with the tykes, you go through "Jolitis", "the mind-altering euphoric state that causes you to have more kids."
That's an awful lot of thinking for a day. I need to go back to People magazine and relax!
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