I know all about the “stop drop and roll” if I am on fire (as if I'd be as unprofessional as Richard Pryor if I were freebasing!) and to “duck under my desk” in case of an earthquake, and even to carry newspapers to shield my face when photogs go a ga-ga over seeing me at the Ivy (sorry, I'm not Anderson Cooper, but thanks for blinding me with the flashbulbs ass holes- now I know why Lindsay drives so recklessly), heck, I've even been versed on how to survive falling overboard a cruise ship (I'm taking “their” word on it and will always travel with a savory fat person to distract the sharks, thank you!), But there is one significant piece of knowledge I am lacking, and no one seems to be coughing up any clues, damn you Nancy Drew!…What do I do when pollen attacks?
Pollen is quite the pesky visitor, something akin to an in-law that doesn't realize that “come visit and stay as long as you like” is never meant in earnest and don't ever attempt to take me up on the offer! And, it’s quite a bitch to just try to shake it off. I've tried hosing it down like a busy hooker who hasn't showered in 3 days, but the pollen just seems to come back, like the aforementioned hookers “itchy” condition. What is a city to do when pollen attacks? Can we call in Homeland Security team for this or is Kimberley Clarke all we get? Atlanta is about to host “the Final 4” this weekend, and I'm stockpiling Kleenex because this city is going to be awash in yellow dust and green sneezes! The team that’s going to win is most likely the team with the most sinus relief medicine in the supply kit!
What we need is a big old rain storm to wash it away, but there’s no relief in sight! And where Margaret Mitchell found relief with the wind, pollen is the one thing in Atlanta that ain’t gonna be gone with it!
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