Tuesday's with the Almighty

Apparently God is listening in!

After centuries of questioning if God really exists, God has chosen now as the time to reveal that not only does he exist, but in fact he is a “LOST” and “Desperate Housewives” fan!

Beginning with the tsunami of last year, and the horrible ravages of Mother Nature this year, many believers foretold the second coming of Jesus, but with all this commotion about “Christmas” versus “holiday”, George W. using his name for political gains, and religious groups shutting down churches on Christmas Sunday, Jesus has asked his father to step in.

God was not very forthcoming about any prior, existing, or scheduled disasters, but he was willing to not only prove his existence but to also show his hipness to American radio when he flexed his powers and afflicted Ashlee Simpson and Bo Brice with maladies that have now kept them from being able to perform at the Radio Music Awards. Instead, one of his favorite bands, the Goo-Goo Dolls, will now be performing.

When asked about his musical preferences and befalling the two performers with illnesses, God said, “(regarding Bo Brice) what did I say about worshiping false idols?” As for Ashlee Simpson, “Heck, anyone can tell crap when they hear it!”

Tuesday's Shocking Break-Up!

Say it ain’t so! I feel so violated and naïve! Who ever would have thought that they weren’t going to make it!
Yes, it is true, after only a short month-long engagement, Talan and Kimberly Stewart have called off their wedding. I’m finding this hard to accept! I just won’t be able to watch Laguna Beach anymore!

Something else you might not have missed:
Jessica Simpson announced nothing newsworthy today- thus bringing her streak of non-newsworthy press conferences to a rousing 63 for the year; barely out distancing Michael Jackson and President Bush. Jessica did want to remind everyone that Thanksgiving is traditionally celebrated in her household whenever she, her sister, or her husband don’t make the cover of a gossip or weekly tabloid magazine. After her “non-announcement” she seemed to think there was something else she was supposed to tell the press, but apparently couldn’t remember what it was. When “egged on” by the press about her relationship with Nick Lachey, she simply said that the two of them were still happily married and looking forward to celebrating the holidays apart, again. One reporter then queried the “blonde” singer about her own press report announcing the split between her and Nick. Jessica replied that she doesn’t read what people write about her, nor does she believe her own press.

If those two had not parted ways, then my hunch is that the following, “ripped from the headlines” story, might have been about Nick…”man beat family to death on Thanksgiving”.

Tuesday's with Mike in Kitchen

Mike Tyson has finally retired from boxing, again.

Following in the footsteps of George Foreman, Mike Tyson is venturing off into a new career opportunity in the kitchen. Mike Tyson will be hosting a cooking program! Just when NBC cancels Martha Stewart and her television show, “The Apprentice”, another rogue with run-ins with the law steps up to take her place. No longer will you have to read about him pushing away those unruly camera men, unless they get too close during his crème brulee segments!

Some of the recipes intended to be highlighted on his show come from his mother, his sister, the guy that was two cellblocks down while Mike did time in prison, and a few inspired by his career in boxing. Given his propensity for cannibalism, it is expected that Mike will debut a tasty hors d’ oeuvres recipe made entirely from bits from Evander Holyfield’s ear; dipped in a spicy guacamole sauce, who could resist? Also expect to see the secret ingredients to his “Hansel and Gretel” soup. Plucked fresh from the arms of Lennox Lewis (no easy task to do!) you simply drop Lennox’s children into the same vat of hot water that Mike usually found himself in. After coming to a nice rolling boil- like Mike did so often in his career as a fighter, you set the dish aside to chill, for about 3 years, at your local prison. Serve with a dollop of sour cream…ooh la la! What Robin Givens wouldn’t give for a bowl of this!

Again, like Mr. Foreman, Mike Tyson also plans to launch an appliance to help get some of you most difficult work done easily; he’s calling it: “Mike Tyson’s 12 pack ice cube tray”. Because honesty, that’s about the only recipe he can ever get right, as long as it is 12 cubes or less…

Tuesday's Love Letter

The Washington Post has issued a retraction today regarding a story they broke last week.

Last Thursday news broke that purported that access to emails, that the former FEMA chief Michael Brown (“Brownie” if you’re the President) wrote to other FEMA employees during the midst of Hurricane Katrina, had been obtained by a congressional investigative committee. These emails contained statements like, “Can I quit now?”, “can I come home now?” and “I’m trapped, please rescue me”. Quite damaging when you realize how flippant and aloof these comments were in such a time of crisis…but now, under further investigation, the Washington Post believes that Michael Brown does not appear to be the person who actually wrote these emails; it appears these comments were actually attributable to either Harriett Miers or the President himself.

In other news, it appears that George W. Bush, recognizing a lame duck president when he looks in the mirror, will nominate himself for the post of Supreme Court Justice. He was heard saying to Dick Cheney, “heck, if a couple of girls can do it, why can’t me?”

And finally, ultra-conservatives have adopted a new motto that espouses their commitment to Jesus and politics. “Love The Man, not His word” .

Tuesday's Family Secrets

Janet Jackson announced today that she couldn’t remember if she had a daughter or not.
“I’m not sure why theses stories are coming to light right now, I have no new album to promote or perfume to market”, she quipped to a local reporter.
Janet’s ex-husband’s brother ignited the flames of this story by claiming that Rebbie Jackson is raising Janet’s 18-year old daughter. All this really goes to show you is if you can’t sing in the Jackson family, you’re gonna get stuck with the kids! Census workers have been brought in to count heads in the Jackson household, but fear they won’t be able to get an accurate number because they can’t keep track of all the kids in Neverland Ranch; are they family or dates? Speculation is growing that President Bush, in order to shore up the waning support of his presidency, will name a special prosecutor to oversee the investigation. “The question of whether or not Ms. Jackson (when she is nasty) has a child appears to be of more public interest than anything I have been doing lately”, Bush was quoted as saying. With nothing to do, and 3 more years to do it in, it is widely believed that Mr. Bush himself will lead the investigation.

Tuesday's with Harriet Miers

“Harriet Miers chose Coke over Pepsi (and marijuana when she partied late into the night with George W.) when she took the Pepsi Challenge in 1978!”

More shocking revelations have come from the Senate floor where Harriet Miers has been making her rounds and getting down to win votes!
Looking quite hung over, Ms. Miers met the press this morning, discreetly trying to hide BC Powder and Gatorade, two staples from the Dean Martin Emergency Survival Kit!, in her oversized Cheryl Ladd designed purse. “I don’t know how the hell Ruth or Sandra did this”, she was quoted as saying between dry heaves. “I grew up partying with W. and thought this would be easy; no one said anything about having to do shots with Edward Kennedy!” she bemoaned.

Ms. Miers, seen wearing a “jail Delay” t-shirt bought online at moveon.org, has been repeatedly grilled by the Senators about her stance on key court issues, and, having not sufficiently answered their questions, has brought increased scrutiny onto her past. Other tidbits that have been uncovered: she believed in the tooth fairy until seven, was twice sent to the principles office for daydreaming during home ec. classes, never really got the hang of latch-hook rugs, and she was turned away from the debutante society because she dressed too much like June Cleaver when Jackie O was all the rage. What still remains a mystery is her position on many controversial issues such as: boxers or briefs at sleep-overs, did Clinton inhale, what the REAL meaning of Christmas is, and where exactly in the world is Waldo? Senator Orrin Hatch said that, “until she is more forthright in her answers about theses and other critical questions, we will only approve of her for an ambassadorship position in Sudan or the UN”.

Tuesday's Intelligent Design Trial

Once again the debate rages…
From the dirty South to the dust bowls of Oklahoma to the ash covered islands in the Pacific.
The question that just won’t die! Not even Jesus was resurrected this many times!
The fiery feud that has torn house holds apart (the REAL reason Jennifer and Brad split!!!) and has put high school history text book editors on edge…
The war that continues to divide a nation now FINALLY seems ready to be heard by the Supreme Court (of Merry Maids)…


Which vacuum works better: Bissell or Dyson? One is designed with your needs in mind, while the other one, heavily marketed by a very pompous man (James Dyson), claims you need to know 4 things before you can even buy a vacuum cleaner. Which would you buy? You already know you have a nasty house to clean, so are you going to get the one that knows you have a house full of dirt, dust, and sordid secrets (those carpet stains don’t come up so easily), or the one which took 12 years to design and now says “YOU”, the consumer, need to have more knowledge before you can by a vacuum? Go with the Bissell! Mr. Dyson ought to be selling cars or high-end jewelry! At least with a Bissell you can get the job done; Dyson’s commercials will put you to sleep prior to completing your chores!

I say back the Bissell! And then pass your dutchie on the left hand side…

Tuesday's Virus Alert

The often unexplainable and usually erratic antics of Charlie Sheen have finally been diagnosed. The CDC confirmed today that Charlie Sheen has indeed contracted a computer-virus. The research, lead by Doctors Norton and MacAfee, came back conclusively after Mr. Sheen continuously failed to respond to commands and was finally unlocked when “CTL + ALT +DEL” was typed into his DNA. Doctors have been worrying for quite sometime about the communicability of these highly destructive keyboard transferable diseases. Regarding Mr. Sheen, medics paint a worst-case scenario with Mr. Sheen actually surviving this virus and going on to produce several more seasons of “Two and a Half Men” and 2 more children (not from Denise Richards). Now the medical world is trying to learn just when and where Mr. Sheen first contracted the virus. Early investigations have focused on late night visits to on-line porn sites and Heidi Fleiss. Despite her horrible acting skills and poor selection in husbands, doctors do not believe Mr. Sheen has passed the virus onto Ms. Richards. Doctors have simply diagnosed her as “a bad actress and being stupid”.

Tuesday's with William Bennett

William Bennett, riding his controversial statement around reducing crime by aborting all black babies to new popularity heights, was fed to the lions today during a civil rights rally at the New York Zoo. No one could really ascertain if any crime had been committed or if in fact it was done by anyone black. It was believed that his last words, (possibly a quote from Adolf Hitler???), were, "I don't think people have the right to be angry, if they look at the whole thing. But if they get a selective part of my comment, I can see why they would be angry. If somebody thought I was advocating that, they ought to be angry. I would be angry." Ah, it all makes sense now. If only Mr. Bennett could have made that statement with Kanye West present. Several old-school Roman’s in the crowd remarked how nice it was to get back to the good old days like when Jesus was still around”.
It was not yet clear if President Bush realized the finality of Mr. Bennett’s death, seeing how he had mentioned that Bennett might be a possible Supreme Court Judge nominee.
“Billy has done quite a job of cleaning up crime in America, much like the job Mr. Brown did for FEMA before he quit”, the President was quoted as saying at a puppy pound opening in Ohio. “I’d like to see him on the high court overturning affirmative action laws!”, George W. giggled to the group of 10 year old kids who had gathered for the pet store opening.
The president went on to say (under his breath so that Laura couldn’t hear him) that, “although Sandra Day O’Connor was a hot chick in that black robe, she didn’t seem too really like dressing up for work, I’ll bet she’ll be happier at home barefoot and in the kitchen.”

Tuesday's with Kate Moss

“Get higher baby, and don’t ever come down”

Kate Moss gives supermodels around the world reason to just keep their mouth’s shut! Ok, if you have happened to watch Tyra’s new talk show (I was wide awake at midnight...but not for long!), you’ll know there are at least 2 reasons. Note to Katie “unemployed drug-user” Moss: telling the truth just doesn’t pay! Oh sure, what she admitted to doing is illegal, but hey, these days, who is really getting stuck on the formalities of laws, rules and other bothersome things that need only apply to the common people (and Tara Reid, just because!). You know I wonder, them ladies being “Super” models and all, (as opposed to, say, “average” or “okay” models) I wonder if there is like this Lancome or MAC counter set aside for “SuperModels” in every major shopping mall…kinda like the Justice League of America was there for super-heroes to sit around and B.S. when they weren’t saving the world…only for these “highly gifted” and “special breed” of models the make-up counters would allow them to DISCRETELY powder their noses, inside or outside, smoke cigarettes and drink coffee with out having to go find a stall or something, or ever having to mingle with the perfume samples people.

Oops, back to my point. Kate, just lie like a government official or Martha Stewart! Who cares what the true is? Who ever said the truth shall set you free was a damn good liar! Look at OJ- it wasn’t the truth that set him free (stupid gloves)! And, why ya doing that stuff anyhow? You’re already thin enough to pass as the Corpse Bride- just a little less animated.

One last thing…Riddle me this Ms. Moss: if you’re gonna break the damn law doing them white lines (don’t do it!) why would you ever let someone take a picture of the said illegal act on their cell phone camera? In the words of the Black Eyed Peas, “no no no no baby, no no no no”. Some what of a poetic justice, eh, that a picture ruins a model’s career? Appears that will be the last photo op you get! Pity, if it was a fancy key you were using maybe the car dealer would hire you…or Bic pens.

And when Naomi speaks, this is what she says…”Kate Moss is my friend ... I think it's like everybody is being bad to her," the 35-year-old supermodel told a news conference Sunday. Models should not let models speak. Period (see my opening sentence)." Everyone being bad? Who? The agency who made her wealthy? Her parents for having her? The dealer who fed her habit? Or, could it be Kate that was bad and needs to learn a little lesson called “a-c-c-o-u-n-t-a-b-i-l-i-t-y”?

Tuesday's Amber Alert

An Amber Alert has been issued for a male and female who disappeared sometime during the summer movie season. Initial estimates place the couples disappearance somewhere between “Kingdom of Heaven”, “Herbie: Fully Loaded”, and “The Island”.

The female is a brunette, a little bit taller than the male, maybe a hundred and twenty pounds if thrown into Dawson’s Creek (and add an extra 2lb or 3lbs if she has THAT cold sore on her lip!). When last seen she was fighting against evil along side of Batman, sporting a hefty engagement ring, and whittling away at her “best-friends” list. There were sightings of her in Paris, London and any other place where her movie could be promoted. She is not considered dangerous (or very bright), simply “impressionable”. If Olive Oyl was a real person, she would capture most of her essence. But, due to the erratic behavior of her male traveling partner, any attempts to contact her should be done with holy water and mace and through HIS publicist!
The male is quite a bit older than the female and is prone to fits of freaking out, lashing out, and acting holier than thou. The male does not react well to being squirted with water, questioning his sexuality, asking about his religion, acting outside of very limited range of expression, or being left around furniture while on national TV. He was last seen wearing a t-shirt stating “I’m Complex!”, blue jeans, and a chip on his shoulder the size of Lindsay Lohan.

Anyone who has any information to the whereabouts of this couple is asked to call the Church of Scientology immediately! But please don’t notify the press- we don’t want to see them!

Tuesday's FEMA Efforts

Late Sunday night Washington DC emergency response teams received a frantic call from a tourist who had been near the White House.
Two other calls were received by DC’s 9-1-1 call center within minutes of the first one. Conflicting reports have made unraveling this story difficult, but what is clear is that all 3 reports claimed to have seen suspicious activity and unusual people in, and around, the White House. Each caller gave similar descriptions as to the person they saw lurking about on the White House property. White House Security was able apprehend the suspect and turned him over to the police for arrest. It took over two hours for Laura Bush and Dick Cheney to realize that George W. had been missing. It seems no one is used to seeing him at work, or at the White House.

In related news: although much press has been made about the recalling (and the subsequent resigning) of FEMA Director Browne, from New Orleans back to Washington, the truth of the matter is simply that given the way that the Bush administration has responded to the disaster in the South, there was obviously more need for emergency work back in DC than there was in New Orleans. Director Browne was just going to where emergency response crews were most needed; a Bush cabinet meeting.

There is no truth to the rumor that FEMA will be deployed to salvage Britney Spears’ image or career- they just don’t have enough resources for a rescue mission of that magnitude.

Confessions from the Jury Box

Free at last!

It appears that men aren’t the only ones who lie about length and duration; the government does it too!
After being selected for jury duty and being told it would only take 3-4 days, we just wrapped the cases, 3 weeks later!
Tuesdays have come and gone, and come and gone again, and yet there I was, still listening to a case that really hammers home the lesson, “leave your ex’s alone and don’t come to their home…or someone is gonna die!” Hhmm, I don’t remember that as one of the lessons in “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” but it is a good one to remember! Maybe I should petition public schools systems to add that “nugget of learning” into the 5-grade sex ed. curriculum!

With the case decided, I can share that it was a murder case (and what “an honor it was” to be selected foreman and have to say “guilty” four times). If only we could have had Jessica Fletcher or Jonathan and Jennifer Hart present I am sure it would have gone faster- they always seemed to be able to solve crimes in a nifty 60 minutes. After witnessing the whole process first-hand, I realized that when people “in the know” refer to the “wheels of justice going ‘round”, they are actually talking about Fred Flintstone’s feet! That’s how fast things moved! Even F.E.M.A. acts faster!

So, my lesson learned was, pick the county you live in wisely! If you ever end up on the wrong side of the law, that ex-drug-dealing granny who lives down the street just might be deemed “your peer” and show up in the jury box, deciding your fate! Sleep well with that fact!

See ya on Tuesday!

Tuesday's who's that girl?

An ode to a certain someone who landed community service (mowing lawns) for her crime:

Her overall’s are dingy grey
Her cold feet were a surprise
Is that the runaway bride in guise?
The lawn mower person’s got Jennifer Willbank’s eyes.
She’ll turn on you
To marry here, you’d have to think twice
She been busted for lying
The lawn-mower person’s got Jennifer Willbank’s eyes.

And she’ll tease you
She’ll unease you
All the better to confuse you
She’s precocious
Her stories are just a bluff
Even cut her hair off
The lawnmower person is in disguise
But she’s got Jennifer Willbank’s eyes…

She’ll run away from home
She a risk to flight
In a split second she’s gone
Running across the country in guise
She’ll take a tumble on you
Gambling on love is her fiancés vice
She went to Vegas too
She’s got Jennifer Willbank’s eyes

TV exposed her
When she snowed you
With the stories that she told you
She ferocious
All the stories she told were bogus
Even tho’ she pulls her hat down to disguise
We all see those wild Jennifer Willbank’s eyes.

Tuesday's SVU

The following is an actual call received on the Beverly Hills Police Special Victims Unit (SVU) phone line. (Editor’s note: in Beverly Hills, “special” means exactly that; the phone number special people call is “STAR-9-1-1”, because they are one!).

Caller: “Damn it! Is there someone there who can help! Help Me!”
Dispatcher: what is the problem madam?
C: “they are everywhere! They are stalking me!”
D: “Who is madam? Are these people trying to hurt you?”
C: “Yes! They are hurting me worse than bad ratings!”
D: “How are they hurting you?”
C: “I have good days, but then I have some bad days, too…they hurt me most on the bad days!”
D ”Are these people in your home with you?
C: “Yes!! Yes they are! They are everywhere! They are staring right at me, on the cover of “W”, “GQ”, and “Vanity Fair”.

(at this point a n SVU specialist is brought in to handle the crisis)

D: “AM I speaking with Jennifer Anniston?”
C: ”Yes! Yes you are!”
D: “ Jennifer, this is Tom Cruise, and I want to help you!”
C: “NO! No not you! You won’t offer me drugs to relieve my pain!”
D: “ Jennifer, or may I call you Rachel , you sound stressed- what is in your diet these days and how often are you working out? Have you heard of Scientology?”


D: “Hi Jenn- can I call you that, Jenn? This is Paula Abdul working the lines tonight and I am here to help you! I am going to buy you a cell phone so you can always reach me when you need help or drugs to help ease your pain! I am forever your girlfriend!”

(this call was soon terminated when several reports came in (falsely) that Aquaman was sleeping with the fish again….)

Tuesday's Family Plan

It’s seems everybody in the business world is trying to jump onto the “employee discount plan”, where you get the same pricing that employees of the company receive.
Sure that makes sense in the automotive industry, but what would happen if you extended something similar to this to the airline industry? What if we all got to experience the same glamorous workday that a flight attendant lives through?

Imagine your day:
-you may, or may not, end up working- but you have to show up, regardless.
-you may, or may not, get on the flight you hope for
-the journey can start off very bumpy and never smooth out
-all day long you hear that incessant ringing of call buttons going off
-you get to meet the dumbest people on earth, over and over again, as you try to explain why they do not “own” the overhead compartment and why that oversized luggage won’t fit (hello, it’s too damn big!)
-you experience first hand the uncanny ability of adults being rude (you don’t just get that in a deli line) and/or childish
-lunch is one of 4 items: cheese and crackers, sunchips, peanuts, or animal crackers
-your beverage is a product of the coca-cola company
-your liquor cabinet at home has only mini-bottles in it
-you cheerfully face each day under the threat of bankruptcy or job-loss
-and you never know which face of crazy is going to show up at your work: be it drunk, angry, sad or otherwise


Ah, the glamour of the travel industry!

Tuesday's Payola Scam

Here is your $10 million question:
If I don't buy it, and you don't request it, why does Jennifer Lopez's music still get played?

The answer:
Because SONY BMG pays dj's to "spin" her records on the radio!

Sony is now paying a $10 million dollar fine for this payola scam. Shouldn't this become a class action lawsuit?
Who hasn't been harmed by the tunes: "Get Right", "Jenny from the Block" (...don't be fooled by the airplay that's been bought...she's as talented as a blood clot....) or "Play"? Hasn't the conscience of the American public been stunted by her? I think I might try for reparations for the damage she has caused me: loss of hair (from pulling it out trying to "get" her popularity), damage to my vocal cords (attempting to hit the same off-notes she does at karioke night at "The Sizzler"), my therapists/plastic surgeon bills (but I think my ass is too small...I want one as big as Jenny's!), and so on...but what I really will need help doing is sleeping at night. Now all I do is lie awake and wonder: "who else has designed from the J-lo line of "the emperor's new clothing".

Who else was I right about? Who else has no talent but is being falsely made into a star?... Britney Murphy? Tara Reid? Wilson Philip? Pauly Shore? Charlie Sheen?....gosh....this list could go on and on.....

Tuesday's with Dick Cheney

Dick Cheney went in for his routine medical check-up this past week. Although for the most part he was given a “clean bill of health”<> for a man his age, a few things did show up that his doctors refused comment on; fortunately, Karl Rove was there, and so we have the report:

-a slight irritation around his heart initially puzzled the doctors because it had been widely speculated that he, in fact, had no heart, just a lump of coal left over from the last energy shortage. They were able to determine that most of the cause of the irritation stems from the democrats and their constant desire for doing things, ”the democratic way”.

-a slight rash around his calves is apparently from the endless chafing he receives from pulling cowboy boots on and off when goes out to Crawford, Texas, to explain policies to George W….who is out on the ranch “riding horsies”.

-bruising along his right arm is from trying to ram a failed Iraq war policy onto the Iraqi people. The swelling should come down as soon as he creates an exit plan for the US military.

-and finally, the burn marks on his buttocks resulted from the spontaneous combustion of the jeans he was wearing. The technical diagnosis is “liar liar pants on fire” syndrome.

There is, however, no truth to the rumor that he is going to go to Canada for insurance purposes and to receive his prescriptions at a cheaper rate than those given to politicians here in the US.

Tuesday's Homage to Gwen

“Coming clean with Whitney Houston”. The reality craze that has Bobby Brown back on tv, showing America (or those 3-4 viewers who are actually watching his show)every little misstep he takes, has inspired Whitney to create her own reality series, tentatively called, “Desperately Seeking (my name is not Susan) Sanity”.
This premise of this show is that the viewer gets to follow Whitney through her daily routine:
From waking up late, hung-over, to crashing her car into school buses, to her rehab visits to crashing out on the couch with a doobie before lunch. It’s all there for those discerning viewers who like to drive by accidents slowly.

As for the ever important theme song, Whitney gives a nod to Gwen Stefani with a remake of Gwen’s hugely popular “Hollaback Girl”, renamed, “I can’t say no to crack Girrrrl”. Here are the lyrics:

~~Hey, that my sh*t, can you get it (Bobby)?
Ooh this my sh*t, this my sh*t

I heard that you were talking smack
Jawin’ on about how my life is whack
People hear ya talking like that it gets Bobby really fired up
So he’s ready to attack, after we smoke some crack
Gotta get a glass pipe, then we’ll scream and shout
That’s right cancel my rehab check-up, get the bongs all fired up!

A few times I’ve been hooked on crack
So my addiction won’t disappear like that
“cause I’m a can’t say no to crack, girl
Can’t say no to crack girl

Ooh, this is good sh*t, it’s good sh*t!

So that’s right dude, me and Bobby’s really crude
We got no principles or receipt keepers
Both of us wanna be winners, ‘cause his reality show’s a dud
So I’m gonna fight, gonna give it my all
Gonna make Bobby fall, gonna sock it to him!
That’s right I’m the last crack whore with a craving, another one bites the dust.

A few times I’ve been hooked on crack
So my addiction won’t disappear like that
“cause I’m a can’t say no to crack, girl
Can’t say no to crack girl

Let me hear ya say small baggies be bananas
c-r-a-z-i-e
Rehab is for quitters “Q-I-T-H-A-R-Z”

Tuesday's Wanton Disregard for Discretion

Charley Pride put it best, “…and when we get behind closed doors”. “Behind closed doors”; there are just some things in life that do not need to be shared outside of the privacy of one’s own home. Reality TV has certainly pushed the envelop on what “should vs. is” shared to an audience. Do we really need to know all the ins and outs of someone like Anna Nicole or Kathy Hilton’s life? Not so much! Shouldn’t someone like Britney leave well enough alone and leave something to the imagination of her adoring fans instead of revealing to us all that yes, she is in fact a true trailer park princess? “The Chaotic life of Britney and Kevin”? Not really- try “Idiotic” next time. Now, as for the proverbial “recipe for disaster” that we all hear about, but have failed to locate in any Betty Crocker cookbook, look no further than Bobby and Whitney new “share all” reality tv show. Who in their right mind would ever share with the world that, when constipated, Bobby helped Whitney “unclog” herself? Get Ex-lax, Mylanta or something…but please don’t do it manually! And yes, this is what they admitted to on their show! Such a wanton disregard for discretion!

And I just thought Tom Cruise was crazy when he said there was no such thing as a chemical imbalance, yet is living proof of one! Hey Tom, look in the mirror, there’s a chemical imbalance looking back at you!