Like Liz Lemon says...

"Dealbreakers..."

If you don't watch a performance but act offended by it, you don't get to complain. If you are a network that puts on the said performance and leaves it unedited from East to West coast feeds, you can't claim you've been fouled. You can't claim ignorance either when you promote the performance as "outrageous" and  schedule it after the all awards have been given out and the local news is nipping at your heels- just in case people tune out. Dealbreaker! If you are offended yet too lazy to click the remote...dealbreaker!

No complaining about healthcare if you are overweight or a smoker- you are the very thing that is burdening the system. Dealbreaker!

Divorced people can't fight for the defense of marriage- they are who mock the institute. Protect marriage- don't divorce!

And, you can't support a candidate if you don't know why you support them...

The American Music Awards in review

Awards season is kicking into gear and if the AMA is a bellwether of what's to come, well then you better start a crackin' to stock up on gauze, hairspray, "I love Taylor Swift" posters and any discarded Mad Max and the Thunderdome outfits you can find. Although Alicia Keyes may have already beaten you to all the chainmail tops, it seems there's no end to the supply of barbed shoulders. And Jlo, I'd leave the "Louboutins" and start over with some "fresh out of the oven" music if you want to be a contender in a comeback role!

Speaking of comebacks, "what up, Whitney?" Seems like Dick Clark needed to create an award for the "comeback of the year", so why not call her "Int'l Artist of the Year?"- not like anyone really believes it, but it gave The Preacher's Wife a chance to reclaim the stage-too bad she can't sing any more. That was just an okay, talk-along approach, without hitting any notes. You could see the sighs of relief in the crowd when she finished and hadn't pulled a Britney, circa 2008, VMA's!

Question- why didn't Elvis, Nat King Cole or the Beatles get nominated? Oh yeah, cause they are dead and don't have new material...so...Michael...why was he nominated? The act of dying is not a category! Just because he died doesn't mean you throw him into categories he doesn't qualify for! Give him his props with an honorary award, but don't put him on the ballot! It just make the whole evening and awards seem cheap...speaking of Adam Lambert's performance- could someone return Paula Abdul's "Cold-Hearted Snake" props when they are done? The mirror goes back to Michael's Neverland ranch.

I think Rihanna stole Toni Braxon's outfit from the Grammy's years ago- or King Tut and repurposed it. That resourceful Lady GaGa then took it and made outfits for all of her dancers out of it! Now, add a dash of zombie dance moves, fire, broken glass, christmas lights and the stage is set for her perfect performance; Lady G's, not Riri's.

Why does Perez show up? And why does anyone give him a mic?

Thank goodness for Mary J and Carrie Underwood for keeping the joint classy!

And well, props to Taylor Swift who stayed up really late to accept her awards! Way to go! I hope she doesn't have to perform today!

By the end of the night, I think the only thing feeling more spent than Taylor Swift's acceptance speeches were the censors working the Eminem and 50 Cent performance or Adam Lambert's stylist.

Like I never left...

Yo Zombie Jesus, when I fall asleep at the wheel blog, I thought you were supposed to take over! I should have known country music lyrics were just a bunch of lies, unless Taylor Swift sings them!

Apparently nobody was ghost-writing while I fiddled, maybe they were too busy watching TV?

What brings me out of my shell? That dumb woman Carrie Prejean and Jon minus 8....why won't they just shut up and go away? Is anybody listening? Wait a sec- aren't these the same stupid people I was blogging about 2 months ago, and they still haven't left the building?

Well, now I know why I fell asleep at the wheel- they bore me to sleep! I'd rather listen to the band members of Aerosmith argue about if they have broken up or not than give an audience to Jon "what's his claim to fame"? And as for CP- she'd sell more book with less publicity, she's giving her "Christian" self a bad name! Shut up already!

Is anyone excited about seeing Levi Johnson naked? How frickin' arbitrary is that? WTF? And yet he gets media reporting on this- this is treated as breaking news! The only thing breaking appears to be his zipper and his panty's elastic waistband that causes them to fall down- no need to send a satelite car & crew over for reporting about the shlong...and honestly, if it is so impressive, why would you need a satelite truck equipment to see it?

Jon/Kate, Carrie/Pageants, or Levi/Sarah and the media...The only person who seems to have been able to sum up these folks and their relationships appropriately is Gaga..."call it a bad romance."