Can this family be saved?
The children lost their real mother. The new step-monster is not well received by the children. The father is becoming stodgy and boring. The public are watching their every move. Rumors are flying about in-fighting and back-biting! Can Supernanny save this family? And no, it’s not the Royal Family (but they need help too)! It’s the McCartney’s!
The problems appear to reach back into the formative years when the kids (Stella, Mary and James) were still being raised by Linda. She ushered them along and always praised their work—even the crap Stella was putting out! Now, years later and Linda having passed, Paul has remarried, and his new wife, Heather Mills, who’s the same age as his children, sees none of the talent Linda used to heap on Stella, or the others. Did anyone notice that Stella did not have a part in the wedding, nor did she design any of the clothes?
After just 2 days with the family, SuperNanny Jo thinks she has a plan to get things “back to where they once belonged”. The next time Heather and Stella get into an argument, Heather must assert who’s head of the household and put Stella in the “naughty spot” until she behaves! Heather must also institute a firm discipline regiment for Mary and James when they go and hide her prosthetic leg! Heather must eliminate excuses for their bad behavior. Bedtimes must be in forced—no more all-nighters for those two! And if Stella wants play time, she’s got to finish eating all the food on her plate! It all comes down to Heather focusing on the finer details in the techniques she is using and keeping positive.
Now, as for the boring half-time show Mr. McCartney put on, there’s nothing the Supernanny can do about that.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Tuesday, February 15, 2005
Tuesday's with Cupid
Looks who’s sleeping in the Barq-o-lounger! Grumpy old Cupid has finally nodded off after working his tail off to get out all those Valentine’s. His fingers and arms are covered in bandages—way too many paper cuts from all those cards he had to deliver and “prickings” from the thorns on those roses. Just to correct the song, “every rose had about 50 thorns!” next time go with Tulips!
Poor tuckered-out Cupid is in a chocolate-induced coma! It appears this year there weren’t nearly as many “in-love” couples as expected so Cupid had to eat all the excess! If he would have just listened to the Easter Bunny, and saved those damned receipts, he wouldn’t have been in this mess! Godiva does not accept returned items with bites taken out of them or without receipts- end of story! Cupid is stuck with all them extra boxes of chocolate—where’s Forrest Gump when you need him? Having leftover chocolates may not seem so dire to the average chocolate fan, but it doesn’t stop there! What about the kinky clothing? When you take into account that Cupid doesn’t have any receipts for his other Valentine’s purchases, it means he is walking around in women’s underwear from today till next year—all courtesy of Victoria’s Secret strict no-return policy! You’d think he would learn his lesson by now—but hey, he’s a man!
Yes, for many, it was just another day of telling that special someone just how much you love them, but for Cupid, it was a job. One might say a “labour of love”, but I think he cusses too much to call it love…it’s a job!
Happy belated Valentines.
Poor tuckered-out Cupid is in a chocolate-induced coma! It appears this year there weren’t nearly as many “in-love” couples as expected so Cupid had to eat all the excess! If he would have just listened to the Easter Bunny, and saved those damned receipts, he wouldn’t have been in this mess! Godiva does not accept returned items with bites taken out of them or without receipts- end of story! Cupid is stuck with all them extra boxes of chocolate—where’s Forrest Gump when you need him? Having leftover chocolates may not seem so dire to the average chocolate fan, but it doesn’t stop there! What about the kinky clothing? When you take into account that Cupid doesn’t have any receipts for his other Valentine’s purchases, it means he is walking around in women’s underwear from today till next year—all courtesy of Victoria’s Secret strict no-return policy! You’d think he would learn his lesson by now—but hey, he’s a man!
Yes, for many, it was just another day of telling that special someone just how much you love them, but for Cupid, it was a job. One might say a “labour of love”, but I think he cusses too much to call it love…it’s a job!
Happy belated Valentines.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Tuesday's Famine Relief part 2: the song
Every good charity deserves a tribute song, why should the “dying to be thinner” Hollywood starlet’s be any different?
Bono and Mick Jagger have joined together to pen the new charity single which will help raise funds to feed the Olsen twins and Lara Flynn Boyle (sure they don’t eat much, but it still can be expensive to just look good going out!).
Hum along to (the tune of We Are the World…) “We are the girls”….
There comes a time when we heed the casting call
When Hollywood women fight to be “the one”
There are agents lying, and women literally dying
It’s time to lend a hand to make them clean their plate
Make sure they ate it all…
We can’t go on pretending day by day
That some director will soon make a change
They don’t want to cast a fat actress
The truth- make them shed it by yesterday!
(chorus)
We are the girls, we are the women
We are the ones who want to land the next big role
So we’ll stop eating
We’re risking our own lives
It’s true we’ll be skinner in a day
If it kills us to look that way
Well, send them some food
So they know someone cares
And their bones will be strong as can be
As Cher has shown us
By taking out a few ribs
You can win an Oscar if you’re just willing to give
(repeat chorus)
When you’re down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There’s no way they can fall
Well, well, well, let’s realize
That change has truly come
When Kristey Alley wins the casting call!
(repeat chorus to fade…..)
Bono and Mick Jagger have joined together to pen the new charity single which will help raise funds to feed the Olsen twins and Lara Flynn Boyle (sure they don’t eat much, but it still can be expensive to just look good going out!).
Hum along to (the tune of We Are the World…) “We are the girls”….
There comes a time when we heed the casting call
When Hollywood women fight to be “the one”
There are agents lying, and women literally dying
It’s time to lend a hand to make them clean their plate
Make sure they ate it all…
We can’t go on pretending day by day
That some director will soon make a change
They don’t want to cast a fat actress
The truth- make them shed it by yesterday!
(chorus)
We are the girls, we are the women
We are the ones who want to land the next big role
So we’ll stop eating
We’re risking our own lives
It’s true we’ll be skinner in a day
If it kills us to look that way
Well, send them some food
So they know someone cares
And their bones will be strong as can be
As Cher has shown us
By taking out a few ribs
You can win an Oscar if you’re just willing to give
(repeat chorus)
When you’re down and out
There seems no hope at all
But if you just believe
There’s no way they can fall
Well, well, well, let’s realize
That change has truly come
When Kristey Alley wins the casting call!
(repeat chorus to fade…..)
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Tuesday's Famine Relief Efforts
Mark your calendars and open your checkbooks! It’s time for another fundraiser!
This year has already seen millions of dollars raised for relief and disaster aide, all very worthy causes, but there is still one cause that is overlooked…feeding the needy Hollywood Starlets!
Yes there is disaster all around the globe, but right here, in our own sunny LA backyard, we have a crisis going on! Famous and semi-famous women all over Hollywood are simply starving themselves to afford their Oscar gowns, Emmy outfits, or publicity photo-shoots. They need our help! Do you need that coffee and donut as much as they do? Can’t you afford to skip a meal and send your check for $5 to help them out? Actually, that $5 won’t even come close to paying for their valet service at the Ivy, but won’t you feel better knowing that you have donated to the cause?
Yes, most of these women have more money than god, but since they are too stupid to eat, shouldn’t we treat them with as much tender loving care as we would a child riding on the short bus? True, the shortest thing they will ever ride in is a stretch limo, but don’t hate them for the money they make, pity them for the ribs and bones they bare in those Dior gowns!!!
Can’t you spare $5,000 to $10,000 to ensure Calista gets a good meal at Spago?
All donators receive the used napkin and a publicity photo shot of whichever celebrity they sponsored eating the food item they paid for!!!!
This year has already seen millions of dollars raised for relief and disaster aide, all very worthy causes, but there is still one cause that is overlooked…feeding the needy Hollywood Starlets!
Yes there is disaster all around the globe, but right here, in our own sunny LA backyard, we have a crisis going on! Famous and semi-famous women all over Hollywood are simply starving themselves to afford their Oscar gowns, Emmy outfits, or publicity photo-shoots. They need our help! Do you need that coffee and donut as much as they do? Can’t you afford to skip a meal and send your check for $5 to help them out? Actually, that $5 won’t even come close to paying for their valet service at the Ivy, but won’t you feel better knowing that you have donated to the cause?
Yes, most of these women have more money than god, but since they are too stupid to eat, shouldn’t we treat them with as much tender loving care as we would a child riding on the short bus? True, the shortest thing they will ever ride in is a stretch limo, but don’t hate them for the money they make, pity them for the ribs and bones they bare in those Dior gowns!!!
Can’t you spare $5,000 to $10,000 to ensure Calista gets a good meal at Spago?
All donators receive the used napkin and a publicity photo shot of whichever celebrity they sponsored eating the food item they paid for!!!!
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