Politically Incorrect Olympics

So the "Bay-Jing" Oly's have come to a close and all of China is now sleeping and nervously calculating how to pay for the $44B games, perhaps they will sell off Tibet or annex Japan?

As I sat riveted to the 17-day coverage, fleeting moments of humor would flash through my brain as I contemplated, furrowed brow and curled-up lip, on how I could compete in the trampoline or race-walk events; 18 years of bouncing on a bed or 39 years of walking has to come in handy at some point in my life, why not as an Olympic sporting event?

The other thought that managed to escape the Chinese mind-meld of coverage in my brain (was I turning into the "NBC-Tiananmen Candidate"?) was, "if I created my own "Dream Team" what and who would it be?"...thus my VERY politically incorrect Olympic Dream Team was born...stop now if you don't want to be offended...

Open Ceremonies: Heidi Montag entertains
Any throwing contest: Naomi Campbell (she doesn't appear to ever miss a target)
Boxing: DaBrat
Fencing: University of Miami officials
Sailing: Natalie Wood
Equestrian: Christopher Reeves
US Rowers: anyone living in Flordia after Fay
Shooting: Dick Cheney
Steeple (and Evangelicals) Chase: John McCain
US women's 400 relay: Hillary's campaign team (dq'd for dropping the baton)
Gymnastic Judges: Discredited Clayton County (GA.) school officials
Tug-of-War: Russia vs. USA and Georgia
Chinese Gymnastics Team (women): my niece's day care class

Closing Ceremonies: Amy Winehouse to accept the Olympic flag going to London.

...more like 'ho's!

The leaking of the probable "Dancing with the (D-list)Stars"
has me rethinking the TV show's name!

Several celebs rumored to be on the show:
Susan (All My Tangoes) Lucci
Mark (I just wanna look fly) McGrath
Lance (I kissed a boy) Bass
Brooke (does TJ need a Hooker) Burke

and...

Kim (oh my god, becky, look at her butt, it's so big and round) Kardashian

tick-tock tick-tock...time is running out on the show with this cast!

My Sport- GO USA!

Once every four years an amazing thing happens- people are exposed to, and appreciate, sports where the players have to make a living doing a "real" job to afford their passion. How mighty it is to have a swimmer so applauded amongst all the highly-over paid professional athletes. Kinda like a happy David and Goliath story, if you're into that kinda thing. As a long time swimmer and water polo player I welcome the Olympics like MTV does the return of "The Hills"...

Go USA water polo!

I've got to imagine out there somewhere, a trampolinist is saying the exact damn thing!

Bush to protect Atlanta during the invasion of Georgia

George Bush has been in town all week trying to secure the withdrawal of Russian troops from Georgia. Twice he has been in Centennial Park and has yet to see a single troop come through the city. He is raving mad- the Russians are not following the peace treaty that they signed over the weekend.

I am proud of Bush's commitment to the South, and his efforts to free us all and to influence swing votes for McCain come November. He was quoted saying that, "never again will Atlantans starve as god is his witness" and that he will do "all he can to prevent Putin and troops of re-enacting the March to the Sea that Sherman did to Georgia back during the American Revolution." It is his belief that cities should not be taken over and destroyed frankly because someone doesn't give a damn (as long they are outside of the Middle East).

Bush also said Peachtree Street would stay free of troops and traffic as long as he was in-charge and went on to compliment the designers of the city and their very sneaky way of confusing invading troops (and tourists) by naming 37 different street some form of "Peachtree"- that must be why he hasn't seen any Russians- they are lost and may be close to invading Birmingham instead.

Beijing Hostage Crisis

Can't tear away from the Olympics...
thank god for pre-packaged foods, microwaves and online watching.
After tomorrow, when swimming and tennis are done, the whole shebang is about over in my world...then I hope to be released from this bondage (no, I'm not wearing one of the new LZR swimsuits...).


Why do I watch?

on my radar: idiot

Dear Brooke,
No, you don't know best!

You show about as much common sense as Joan Rivers does selecting a monologue for a group of Girl Scouts; how many times is just the right amount of times to call the girls "a bunch of whores?" Someone won't get any Thin Mint offers next year!

Ok, Brooke, compared to who, your family? Wow, I guess you might win that argument, but that's almost a Pyrrhic victory! That's like claiming you're the "smartester person" riding a short bus (or in the Bush clan), or the brightest PussyCat Doll.

You and Ali Lohan have got the luck of being "the talent" (I blush just typing those words) in your family- yippee! Now how much will that make you outside of a stripper bar in Vegas? You staying out of jail makes you the Hogan that knows best, but fraudulent claims against Daddie could put you in the slammer, along with your brother; false accusations, where'd you learn that trick, Denise Richards? Golly, your family might rack up more jail time then the Gotti's; who knows best?

What you've demonstrated in your infamous quotes (knocking women's progress back at least 30 years) and on your show is that you have the insight of a two-year old fortune cookie and are about as inspiring as a Heidi-Spencer music video. Even the Brett Favre fiasco is more stimulating than you (and boy is THAT old already). Hopped up on Sugar Smacks and parading around on a show that is as "uncensored reality" as the Chinese Internet and claiming you know best just simply doesn't become you. Lets be clear: knowing best means you don't tell your father where you are going, why you are going, and what hotel you are staying at when it comes to celebrating Spring Break (not like you are in school...)

I think Brett Michaels, Shari Sheppard, infact even The Girls Next Door (including Kendra) know better than you!

Sincerely,
Bo "knows" Jackson

on my radar: Paris Strikes Back!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Never a big fan, but this certainly makes me appreciate her sense of humor!

on my radar: Roy-less

If you haven't seen this video, well, heck...it's so sweet friends won't be able to figure out why I posted it. But, it'll make ya feel good going into the weekend, want to kick Michael Vick's ass, again, and help remove that nasty taste from the home foreclosure that was posted. It's kinda like chewing on an Orbitz piece of gum- with your brain. All refreshed and mushy for the weekend...