on my radar: TB or not TB?

Calling Marcus Welby! Come in Marcus Welby!

I have a feeling airfares might start to drop as the incredible story of "TB-Andrew" (a modern day Typhoid Mary if you will) continues to be played out in the media. All those references to the flights he took, and the diseases he might have spread on them, might have some folks rethinking their next travel plans if it calls for reserving a seat to go into the friendly skies!

Is there any irony in the fact that the gentleman who dashed across country borders and broke international laws to then sneak back to the USA is a lawyer (insert immigration and border control issues here)? Wait, take it one more step, Andrew Speaker is a personal injury lawyer! Imagine the lawsuits he might face for his conduct- hope he knows a good lawyer, or was he trying to create new business? Oh wait, even more, his father-in-law is a CDC'er who works on TB! And warned him of the health dangers! Don't call me Nancy Drew, but anyone think old pops may not have been fond of his daughter marrying a personal-injury lawyer? I'm just saying...

True, Andrew Speaker did travel for love, but is it really love when you are risking the health of others, better yet your to-be spouse's? I know there's that (rarely adhered to) line in most wedding vows that says "til death do we part," but I guess they may have rewritten that to say, " 'til TB do we part."

Of course, how this is being handled make me think, "wow, the gov't has come so far since FEMA and Katrina, NOT!" Since there's been suspicion about his health since early this year, why is the CDC only interested in people he flew with in May? What about all the folks he has been around since they first think he was ill? What about Atlanta? Riddle me that Joker!

Maybe Atlanta will have to be burnt again! Oh wait, we already have that (wild)fire going on!

on my radar: trauma (rhymes with drama!)

How do you solve a problem like trauma? How do you select a definition and pin it down? Trauma has jumped into the headlines, escorted no less by Miss Hilton, who appears to be suffering so severely from the “trauma” of her sentencing that she is incapable of testifying in further court proceedings. I say hogwash! Trauma was watching her in ‘The Simple Life”.

Now a sibling of mine is going through “first child trauma”, seems his impending daughter is putting him through racks of angst. Relax…mom had 10 of us, and look how well we all turned out! Trauma will be being a parent to a teenager!

Jerry Falwell’s death is causing him lots of trauma; I’m sure where he landed ain’t the “heavenly” place he expected, and the plates are mighty hot! But hey, you create trauma for others in one world, you dance through the fire of it in another! I wonder if somewhere in this world Tinky-winky is throwing his purse, ala "Mar Tyler Moore style" in celebration?

Real trauma is finding yourself thrown in jail and having to explain to the other inmates that the reason why you are there is not because of causing murder or mayhem, but for being caught stealing a truck full of Skittles! Skittles! Those tasty little bursts of tropical, extreme, or sour fruit-flavored candies! “Skitty little skittles are fun to chew, some for me and some for you!” Trust and believe, the trauma he’s going to get from “chasing (stealing) the rainbow” ain’t going to be pretty! I believe this thief is already trying to hatch a plan to get out of jail, code named, “the sweet escape”.

on my radar: coup de tat

Queen Elizabeth visits the US and decides to reclaim it for England!

After enjoying a week “across the pond”, Queen Elizabeth has requested that her out-going Prime Minister, Tony Blair, draft up a resolution to reclaim the US as a sovereign nation beholden to the Queen and England. “I had forgotten how lovely the people and places are, there in America”, she was overheard saying. Initially amazed by the stupidity (and his suggestion that she was here in 1776) of President Bush, she felt that the nicest thing that she could offer the average American citizen was a reprieve from his reign, and thus a non-militant coup plan was hatched. Seeing how the British have more troops at home, and at her disposal, the strategy seems brilliant. The state of Kansas is backing the queen’s claim. “It would be a relief to have some sort of military assistance to help with the clean-up of these twisters, and since our soldiers are in Iraq, why not bring in the British,” Kansas Governor Kathleen Sebelius said, “we need help here at home!”

The loss of the “British Crown Jewels (as the Beckham’s are being called these days)” also seems to be influencing the queen’s move, but she really couldn’t care less about Elton John or Fergie (the “real” duchess). “I love that crazy tattooed "playa" , and David , too,” the queen exclaimed! “I don’t want to lose Posh, or diminish any chances of a Spice Girl reunion by them moving abroad!”

Beyotch!

Man, sometimes life can be so cruel:

You could be born into the world of wealth and addicts if you are an Osbourne, Baldwin, Hasselhoff, Bush, etc...or, just plain poor to a crack-addled parent...I'm not quite sure which one is worse, but I'd rather not have my dad screaming at me about my cellphone or being video-taped drunk as Cooter Brown; I guess broke kids don't have to worry about all that, since they don't have that fancy equipment lying around the house, in harms way of an angry/drunk pappa.

Or, your doctor, like one in Britain, might be having an "off" bad day and misdiagnoses you with terminal cancer, thus leading you to quit your job and live out your days in luxury, spending your life savings on hotels, restaurants and holidays. Now that your money is gone, the hospital realizes you aren't dying, it was just pancreatitis. Yeah you're not dead, but crap I'm flat broke!

And yet another cruel twist o'fate from this thing called "life". Migraine sufferers are less likely to suffer memory loss later in life than those who don't get them. Well isn't that special! Not only do you **get** to endure migraines, but you don't get to forget about them! Ain't that grand!





Man, if there's a grand scheme for life, I'd certainly like to know where migraines, Hasselhoff, and hangnails fit in!





File under "annoyances w/no explanation!"

on my radar: whacked

Maybe you missed the headline, "couple robs mob and gets whacked"?

Perchance you read right past it (presuming people still read isn't rude is it- that would suck for this email if they don't), enticed by the salacious allure of the "did he cheat on Rachel Ray" query that's been tossed at her hubby, or that Mizz Hilton stands to do 45 days of penance for something most folks get off with a slight tap on the wrist, or reduced sentencing, to like a few hours (please your honor, when celebs are used to teach a lesson, no one takes notes!)?

Well, if ya missed it, during a trial here in the USA, a Gambino Mafia insider admitted to this "whacking" of the couple 17 years ago. Seems these New York citizens weren't the brightest bulbs to heist a joint; heck, the "Barbie Bandits" look downright like a diaper-wearing NASA rocket scientist compared to this couple! Under utilizing any sense of survival, these two people unwise(guy)ly robbed businesses (in Little Italy no less!!) that were chummy with the Mob- talk about choosing the wrong ("Titanic") ocean liner to cross the Atlantic in! Couldn't they knock-up a restaurant uptown? After a few embarrassing robberies, the mob had had enough and snuffed the folks one afternoon while they were driving through Queens.

If there is an upside to this, maybe it's the whole "Social Darwin" aspect of the case; the couple so stupid to rob from the mafia didn't have the chance to procreate and leave any kids behind, thus hopefully extinguishing that species; least they survived and had kids, its quite possible they could have "matured" to be Alec Baldwin and Kim Bassinger or Mommy and Daddy Lohan, or Federline...

Hhmmmm.....

on my radar: boredom!

And I looked, and behold: a dull gray horse emerged; after Death itself had strode out across the land, upon it's chloros-colored horse, none other were to appear, and yet, behold, there it was, a fifth horse arose; it was Boredom, and Nicolas Cage followed with him.

Why does he continue to have a movie career? Mr. Chronically Crappy Actor! Who did he sell his soul to (Ghost Rider or uncle Coppala) to guarantee a movie deal of at least one new movie a year? Couldn't that person be from Bollywood or somewhere else foreign so that we didn't have to have his movies play inside the USA??? You want a new punishment that will scare felons straight? make them watch a Nic Cage movie festival...that' would kill most of them mid-way through "Vampire's Kiss".

For a career that should have been gone in sixty seconds, he's managed to not act through over three dozen movies! I'd count them out for ya, but I fall to sleep just thinking about "Guarding Tess" and "Captain Corelli's Mandolin". When it comes to his acting chops, most of his talent resides in his sideburns; I have seen a better range of emoting displayed by Joan Rivers after she walked out of her plastic surgeons office!

Sure there might be one or two flukes of actual acting, but for every "Raising Arizona", there's "Windtalkers", "Wickerman", or "Next" to counterbalance it! Even handicapped children can hit a whiffle ball on a tee once in awhile...(I feel so bad slighting them in a comparison to Mr. Cage...sorry!).