“Get higher baby, and don’t ever come down”
Kate Moss gives supermodels around the world reason to just keep their mouth’s shut! Ok, if you have happened to watch Tyra’s new talk show (I was wide awake at midnight...but not for long!), you’ll know there are at least 2 reasons. Note to Katie “unemployed drug-user” Moss: telling the truth just doesn’t pay! Oh sure, what she admitted to doing is illegal, but hey, these days, who is really getting stuck on the formalities of laws, rules and other bothersome things that need only apply to the common people (and Tara Reid, just because!). You know I wonder, them ladies being “Super” models and all, (as opposed to, say, “average” or “okay” models) I wonder if there is like this Lancome or MAC counter set aside for “SuperModels” in every major shopping mall…kinda like the Justice League of America was there for super-heroes to sit around and B.S. when they weren’t saving the world…only for these “highly gifted” and “special breed” of models the make-up counters would allow them to DISCRETELY powder their noses, inside or outside, smoke cigarettes and drink coffee with out having to go find a stall or something, or ever having to mingle with the perfume samples people.
Oops, back to my point. Kate, just lie like a government official or Martha Stewart! Who cares what the true is? Who ever said the truth shall set you free was a damn good liar! Look at OJ- it wasn’t the truth that set him free (stupid gloves)! And, why ya doing that stuff anyhow? You’re already thin enough to pass as the Corpse Bride- just a little less animated.
One last thing…Riddle me this Ms. Moss: if you’re gonna break the damn law doing them white lines (don’t do it!) why would you ever let someone take a picture of the said illegal act on their cell phone camera? In the words of the Black Eyed Peas, “no no no no baby, no no no no”. Some what of a poetic justice, eh, that a picture ruins a model’s career? Appears that will be the last photo op you get! Pity, if it was a fancy key you were using maybe the car dealer would hire you…or Bic pens.
And when Naomi speaks, this is what she says…”Kate Moss is my friend ... I think it's like everybody is being bad to her," the 35-year-old supermodel told a news conference Sunday. Models should not let models speak. Period (see my opening sentence)." Everyone being bad? Who? The agency who made her wealthy? Her parents for having her? The dealer who fed her habit? Or, could it be Kate that was bad and needs to learn a little lesson called “a-c-c-o-u-n-t-a-b-i-l-i-t-y”?
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
Tuesday's Amber Alert
An Amber Alert has been issued for a male and female who disappeared sometime during the summer movie season. Initial estimates place the couples disappearance somewhere between “Kingdom of Heaven”, “Herbie: Fully Loaded”, and “The Island”.
The female is a brunette, a little bit taller than the male, maybe a hundred and twenty pounds if thrown into Dawson’s Creek (and add an extra 2lb or 3lbs if she has THAT cold sore on her lip!). When last seen she was fighting against evil along side of Batman, sporting a hefty engagement ring, and whittling away at her “best-friends” list. There were sightings of her in Paris, London and any other place where her movie could be promoted. She is not considered dangerous (or very bright), simply “impressionable”. If Olive Oyl was a real person, she would capture most of her essence. But, due to the erratic behavior of her male traveling partner, any attempts to contact her should be done with holy water and mace and through HIS publicist!
The male is quite a bit older than the female and is prone to fits of freaking out, lashing out, and acting holier than thou. The male does not react well to being squirted with water, questioning his sexuality, asking about his religion, acting outside of very limited range of expression, or being left around furniture while on national TV. He was last seen wearing a t-shirt stating “I’m Complex!”, blue jeans, and a chip on his shoulder the size of Lindsay Lohan.
Anyone who has any information to the whereabouts of this couple is asked to call the Church of Scientology immediately! But please don’t notify the press- we don’t want to see them!
The female is a brunette, a little bit taller than the male, maybe a hundred and twenty pounds if thrown into Dawson’s Creek (and add an extra 2lb or 3lbs if she has THAT cold sore on her lip!). When last seen she was fighting against evil along side of Batman, sporting a hefty engagement ring, and whittling away at her “best-friends” list. There were sightings of her in Paris, London and any other place where her movie could be promoted. She is not considered dangerous (or very bright), simply “impressionable”. If Olive Oyl was a real person, she would capture most of her essence. But, due to the erratic behavior of her male traveling partner, any attempts to contact her should be done with holy water and mace and through HIS publicist!
The male is quite a bit older than the female and is prone to fits of freaking out, lashing out, and acting holier than thou. The male does not react well to being squirted with water, questioning his sexuality, asking about his religion, acting outside of very limited range of expression, or being left around furniture while on national TV. He was last seen wearing a t-shirt stating “I’m Complex!”, blue jeans, and a chip on his shoulder the size of Lindsay Lohan.
Anyone who has any information to the whereabouts of this couple is asked to call the Church of Scientology immediately! But please don’t notify the press- we don’t want to see them!
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Tuesday's FEMA Efforts
Late Sunday night Washington DC emergency response teams received a frantic call from a tourist who had been near the White House.
Two other calls were received by DC’s 9-1-1 call center within minutes of the first one. Conflicting reports have made unraveling this story difficult, but what is clear is that all 3 reports claimed to have seen suspicious activity and unusual people in, and around, the White House. Each caller gave similar descriptions as to the person they saw lurking about on the White House property. White House Security was able apprehend the suspect and turned him over to the police for arrest. It took over two hours for Laura Bush and Dick Cheney to realize that George W. had been missing. It seems no one is used to seeing him at work, or at the White House.
In related news: although much press has been made about the recalling (and the subsequent resigning) of FEMA Director Browne, from New Orleans back to Washington, the truth of the matter is simply that given the way that the Bush administration has responded to the disaster in the South, there was obviously more need for emergency work back in DC than there was in New Orleans. Director Browne was just going to where emergency response crews were most needed; a Bush cabinet meeting.
There is no truth to the rumor that FEMA will be deployed to salvage Britney Spears’ image or career- they just don’t have enough resources for a rescue mission of that magnitude.
Two other calls were received by DC’s 9-1-1 call center within minutes of the first one. Conflicting reports have made unraveling this story difficult, but what is clear is that all 3 reports claimed to have seen suspicious activity and unusual people in, and around, the White House. Each caller gave similar descriptions as to the person they saw lurking about on the White House property. White House Security was able apprehend the suspect and turned him over to the police for arrest. It took over two hours for Laura Bush and Dick Cheney to realize that George W. had been missing. It seems no one is used to seeing him at work, or at the White House.
In related news: although much press has been made about the recalling (and the subsequent resigning) of FEMA Director Browne, from New Orleans back to Washington, the truth of the matter is simply that given the way that the Bush administration has responded to the disaster in the South, there was obviously more need for emergency work back in DC than there was in New Orleans. Director Browne was just going to where emergency response crews were most needed; a Bush cabinet meeting.
There is no truth to the rumor that FEMA will be deployed to salvage Britney Spears’ image or career- they just don’t have enough resources for a rescue mission of that magnitude.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
Confessions from the Jury Box
Free at last!
It appears that men aren’t the only ones who lie about length and duration; the government does it too!
After being selected for jury duty and being told it would only take 3-4 days, we just wrapped the cases, 3 weeks later!
Tuesdays have come and gone, and come and gone again, and yet there I was, still listening to a case that really hammers home the lesson, “leave your ex’s alone and don’t come to their home…or someone is gonna die!” Hhmm, I don’t remember that as one of the lessons in “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” but it is a good one to remember! Maybe I should petition public schools systems to add that “nugget of learning” into the 5-grade sex ed. curriculum!
With the case decided, I can share that it was a murder case (and what “an honor it was” to be selected foreman and have to say “guilty” four times). If only we could have had Jessica Fletcher or Jonathan and Jennifer Hart present I am sure it would have gone faster- they always seemed to be able to solve crimes in a nifty 60 minutes. After witnessing the whole process first-hand, I realized that when people “in the know” refer to the “wheels of justice going ‘round”, they are actually talking about Fred Flintstone’s feet! That’s how fast things moved! Even F.E.M.A. acts faster!
So, my lesson learned was, pick the county you live in wisely! If you ever end up on the wrong side of the law, that ex-drug-dealing granny who lives down the street just might be deemed “your peer” and show up in the jury box, deciding your fate! Sleep well with that fact!
See ya on Tuesday!
It appears that men aren’t the only ones who lie about length and duration; the government does it too!
After being selected for jury duty and being told it would only take 3-4 days, we just wrapped the cases, 3 weeks later!
Tuesdays have come and gone, and come and gone again, and yet there I was, still listening to a case that really hammers home the lesson, “leave your ex’s alone and don’t come to their home…or someone is gonna die!” Hhmm, I don’t remember that as one of the lessons in “Everything I Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten” but it is a good one to remember! Maybe I should petition public schools systems to add that “nugget of learning” into the 5-grade sex ed. curriculum!
With the case decided, I can share that it was a murder case (and what “an honor it was” to be selected foreman and have to say “guilty” four times). If only we could have had Jessica Fletcher or Jonathan and Jennifer Hart present I am sure it would have gone faster- they always seemed to be able to solve crimes in a nifty 60 minutes. After witnessing the whole process first-hand, I realized that when people “in the know” refer to the “wheels of justice going ‘round”, they are actually talking about Fred Flintstone’s feet! That’s how fast things moved! Even F.E.M.A. acts faster!
So, my lesson learned was, pick the county you live in wisely! If you ever end up on the wrong side of the law, that ex-drug-dealing granny who lives down the street just might be deemed “your peer” and show up in the jury box, deciding your fate! Sleep well with that fact!
See ya on Tuesday!
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