Tuesday's Virus Alert

The often unexplainable and usually erratic antics of Charlie Sheen have finally been diagnosed. The CDC confirmed today that Charlie Sheen has indeed contracted a computer-virus. The research, lead by Doctors Norton and MacAfee, came back conclusively after Mr. Sheen continuously failed to respond to commands and was finally unlocked when “CTL + ALT +DEL” was typed into his DNA. Doctors have been worrying for quite sometime about the communicability of these highly destructive keyboard transferable diseases. Regarding Mr. Sheen, medics paint a worst-case scenario with Mr. Sheen actually surviving this virus and going on to produce several more seasons of “Two and a Half Men” and 2 more children (not from Denise Richards). Now the medical world is trying to learn just when and where Mr. Sheen first contracted the virus. Early investigations have focused on late night visits to on-line porn sites and Heidi Fleiss. Despite her horrible acting skills and poor selection in husbands, doctors do not believe Mr. Sheen has passed the virus onto Ms. Richards. Doctors have simply diagnosed her as “a bad actress and being stupid”.