Long ago, in a decade far removed from this one, suave roamed the land. Suave was everywhere, it could be seen in Miami, Milan, NYC, LA, and Rome; but then one day, like TANG, the pet rock craze or Paulie Shore's popularity, it was gone. Silent tears were shed down the faces of linguists everywhere; teenage girls, confused with the marked similarity in names, threw themselves at Rico Suave believing him to be the new suave messiah. Alas, they were wrong (thank god). Where had all the suave gone? Some though it had just relocated into hair care products, but It was so much more than just a brand name shampoo! Suave was a lifestyle word gone awol! So where did it go? What happened to suave?
Police today discovered a bunker out behind Justin Timberlake's backyard. It seems suave was kidnapped somewhere in the early 90's and has been living off of Swanson frozen dinners and Jell-o packets ever since. As best the investigator's can tell, Justin has been plotting and scheming to bring sexy back (also lost for awhile after Rod Stewart's flame extinguished) since leaving the Mickey Mouse Club and Britney Spear's. And by taking suave out of the picture, nothing but bootylicous was gonna stop him
Well, sexy is back, but now that suave has been rescued, Justin's got one pissed suave ready to pounce! And don't be surprised if it shows up in a shopping center near you! Suave does what sexy does, for half the price!
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
on my radar: busted!
Rocked by yet another celebrity arrest, Hollywood is bracing itself for the purported secret-video tape and audio that were filmed during the Paris Hilton DUI pull-over last Wednesday night.
Suspecting the heiress to be under the influence, police administered a sobriety test. Upon placing the breath analyzer tube into Ms. Hilton's mouth she began to rant and rave about the shortcomings of her previous boyfriends. Police attempted to calm her down and get her to unclench her teeth from the tube, but she wouldn't relent. One of the officers at the scene said she looked just like she did in her home video "One Night in Paris", only more sober. Video tape (leaked onto the internet) shows the police finally resorting to force to get her to let go of the tube in her mouth; they sprayed her with water. Climbing on top of the hood of her vehicle, ala her Carl's Jr. hamburger commercial, Paris, drenched, finally spewed the tube from her glossy lips and started into a profanity-laced tirade.
The targets of her attacks were croc shoes and Mel Gibson movies. "Those damn bright red shoes remind me of a naked Linsey Lohan!" she shouted. "Croc's are a crock of fashion crap! No one sane would ever willingly wear them!" she huffed."And all of Mel Gibson's movies suck more than I even do, except for the "Mad Max" and "What Women Want", " she was also quoted as saying.
There have been some rumors that Nicole Richie was seeing driving by and waving to the police, snapping pictures of Paris in cuffs.
Lesson learned for a simple life: stars may be blind, but they best not drive drunk!
Suspecting the heiress to be under the influence, police administered a sobriety test. Upon placing the breath analyzer tube into Ms. Hilton's mouth she began to rant and rave about the shortcomings of her previous boyfriends. Police attempted to calm her down and get her to unclench her teeth from the tube, but she wouldn't relent. One of the officers at the scene said she looked just like she did in her home video "One Night in Paris", only more sober. Video tape (leaked onto the internet) shows the police finally resorting to force to get her to let go of the tube in her mouth; they sprayed her with water. Climbing on top of the hood of her vehicle, ala her Carl's Jr. hamburger commercial, Paris, drenched, finally spewed the tube from her glossy lips and started into a profanity-laced tirade.
The targets of her attacks were croc shoes and Mel Gibson movies. "Those damn bright red shoes remind me of a naked Linsey Lohan!" she shouted. "Croc's are a crock of fashion crap! No one sane would ever willingly wear them!" she huffed."And all of Mel Gibson's movies suck more than I even do, except for the "Mad Max" and "What Women Want", " she was also quoted as saying.
There have been some rumors that Nicole Richie was seeing driving by and waving to the police, snapping pictures of Paris in cuffs.
Lesson learned for a simple life: stars may be blind, but they best not drive drunk!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)