Tuesday, September 12, 2006

on my radar: busted!

Rocked by yet another celebrity arrest, Hollywood is bracing itself for the purported secret-video tape and audio that were filmed during the Paris Hilton DUI pull-over last Wednesday night.

Suspecting the heiress to be under the influence, police administered a sobriety test. Upon placing the breath analyzer tube into Ms. Hilton's mouth she began to rant and rave about the shortcomings of her previous boyfriends. Police attempted to calm her down and get her to unclench her teeth from the tube, but she wouldn't relent. One of the officers at the scene said she looked just like she did in her home video "One Night in Paris", only more sober. Video tape (leaked onto the internet) shows the police finally resorting to force to get her to let go of the tube in her mouth; they sprayed her with water. Climbing on top of the hood of her vehicle, ala her Carl's Jr. hamburger commercial, Paris, drenched, finally spewed the tube from her glossy lips and started into a profanity-laced tirade.

The targets of her attacks were croc shoes and Mel Gibson movies. "Those damn bright red shoes remind me of a naked Linsey Lohan!" she shouted. "Croc's are a crock of fashion crap! No one sane would ever willingly wear them!" she huffed."And all of Mel Gibson's movies suck more than I even do, except for the "Mad Max" and "What Women Want", " she was also quoted as saying.

There have been some rumors that Nicole Richie was seeing driving by and waving to the police, snapping pictures of Paris in cuffs.

Lesson learned for a simple life: stars may be blind, but they best not drive drunk!

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