A tribute to the Governor of South Carolina

A little ditty about the Governor of South Carolina...to the tune of the Black Eyed Peas, "where is the love"...

What's wrong with SC mama?
Daddy's living like aint got no mamas
I think politicians are addicted to the drama
Only attracted to the things that bring you trauma
Overseas travellin'
Not explaining where he's been
Claims he's been hikin'
On the Appalachian
But it's frontin' for another woman
Yet marriages he will support to discriminate
And to discriminate only generates hate
And if you hatin you're bound to get irate
Yeah madness is what you demonstrate
And that's the lies he perpetrates
You gotta have love just to set it straight
Take control of your mind and meditate
Let your soul gravitate to the love y'all

People cheatin' people lying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can you practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father Father Father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the Gov?(where is the Govx3)(the Gov2x)

Now the wife already sez he's changed
New days are strange is the world the insane?
If love and peace so strong
Then trips to Argentina don't belong
Now the Governor drops a bomb
For months it's been going on
Away on Father's Day
What do you have to say
So ask yourself is the loving really strong?
So I can ask myself really what is going wrong
With this world that we living in
People keep on giving in
Makin wrong decisions
Only visions of them livin and
Not respecting each other
Deny thy Argentine lover
Disappeared with the reasons' undercover
The truth is kept secret
Swept under the rug
If you never know truth
Then you never know love
Where's the Gov y'all?(I don't know)
What's the truth y'all?(I don't know)
Where's the Gov y'all?

People cheatin people lying
Children hurtin you hear them crying
Can practice what you preach
Would you turn the other cheek?
Father father father help us
Send some guidance from above
Cause people got me got me questioning
Where is the Gov?(where is the Govx3)(the Govx2)

Quote of the Day: anti-Twilight (again)

39-year-old actor Stephen Moyer, who plays Bill Compton, a 173-year-old Southern vampire on HBO's True Blood had this to say about Twilight's Robert Pattinson,

"He's a pussy! He's the Slim-Fast, Diet Coke of vampires."

It's hilarious, vamps dissing one another. I wonder what Spike or Angel would have to say? I bet Drusilla would like the young one and so would Eric.

Dear Stephanie...

Dear Stephanie Pratt,

I am so sorry to hear about your weight challenges while on The Hills. Given what being on that show did to you, it makes sense you've moved on. Your health is most important!

Oh, but you haven't moved on.

So who is to blame? You say the show, i say, "Why blame just one show when you could blame the whole city of L.A., the entertainment industry or the state of California? Go big or go home!"

Oops, bad advice. I'm sure that's something like what they said, "get big and go home! We only like reality stars that look thin, not real!"

I'm not sure if just being on a show can actually make you thinner.
NEWS FLASH...you may have had something to do with it; call it bad eating habits, drinking habits, always filming at a bar or coffee shop habits, binging habits, puking habits, smoking habits, coffee habits...or your stupid brother's habit of stressing you out.

The Usual Suspects.

I'm not a believer that being on a skinny-girl show creates your osmosis of bulimia to be skinny. I have watched plenty of America's Funniest Home Video's and never found Bob Saget to be funny. Anna Paquin doesn't have ESP in real life and Heather Locklear is no sharp shooter ala TJ Hooker!

I'm not saying, I'm just saying...

FINALLY!

And it ends so perfectly...!

Not Necessarily the News

Ann Curry did a great job interviewing somebody on Monday- but you'll never hear much about it. Instead, we are being fed, ad naseum, information on the Roker-Speidi interview feud...that no one wants to care about but everyone keeps reporting on it (chalk one up, make that 12, up to the Speidi's for hanging around in the media spotlight waaaayyy tooo long- some things are best left in the jungles of Costa Rica).
A country is close to toppling it's old-time government by virtue of a recent election, and about the only reason you will know about it is the fact that there has been blood shed during the riots that have taken place since the elections were completed. Otherwise, the only turmoil that is generating any coverage is the one between Palin and Letterman and that's about as ridiculous a topic to debate over as Sarah's pedicure (oh yeah, that's getting coverage too...).

Any one hear a good North Korea joke lately? They are about to be a huge threat with their recent advancements in arms development, but you wouldn't know much about that because John skipped Kate's birthday celebration, and that is the war everyone is googling to learn more about.

The way things are headed, about the only way Obama will get any attention paid to health care reform is to have Miley Cyrus tweet about it and "missing someone" (who died from a lack of health care). Fortunately, we the audience won't be duped, we've been told by every media outlet already she's just upset about a Justin/Jonas issue.

Perhaps Nero fiddled why Rome burnt because he was unable to distinguish between the music and the emergency? or he had TMZ on too loud? Oh, no, it was just that Adam Lambert was the lead story...

Making Mountain People Proud

Seems these days everybody is chatting about what exactly they want to do before they die, so here is a truncated list of things I hope to experience:

Being the Pope (non-religious).
Winning the Lotto (as long as it is over $20M, otherwise, it's just not worth it).
Attend all four tennis Grand Slams (half way there).
Appreciate Chaz Bono as much as his parents.
Enjoy the fervor of what was the Macarena craze.
Live in a city when it wins a major sports championship.

So, just a few of the things I hope to accomplish at some point before traipsing into the Elysian Field of Dreams. Some may say, oh, that's the bucket list, but I am not calling it that, because I think that movie (of the same name) looked REALLY stupid and would hate for my aspirations to be maligned to anything Jack Nicolson did pretty much since 2000. Is his only job these days to just show up at the Oscars and Lakers games? Please note that this list is not in order, just train of thought.

Well, all that changed this week. The pinnacle of my strength and focus is now on achieving this amazing feat!

Who wouldn't want a Girl Scout patch made in their honor? And who better than Dolly?

A California Fable

Off they went, a merry band of travelers, some might say, but I likened them more closely to a motley crew of pirates. Their destiny, and those who ventured to cross their path, was as unclear as a Sarah Palin speech, yet they set out with a song in the heart (probably Pitbull's, "I know You Want Me" since it has a nice beat to walk to), a slight sense of fear in their collective psyche and a vague sense of direction.

Not knowing exactly where they were headed was uncomfortable for Carrie. After a rocky few months on the pageant, and speaker series, circuit, and a recent decrowning, she was tired of others controlling her, but at least there had been a plan. Now she was having to rely heavily on her own wits, tits and lashes- the sashes were gone! If only she could understand the LA freeways she could relax.

Perez, on the other hand, loved the unknown, glib or vague facts of life (and gossip). He could handle this journey, he just wasn't sure he could trust his traveling team. He and Carrie had pulled off the coupe of the century with the Miss USA contest fiasco. Both had garnered more publicity than either could have hoped for, and no one had guessed they had planned it all along- genius! He just wasn't sure if the "third" member of the gang could be trusted, given their propensity for stealing the spotlight and hogging all media.

"Speidi" was the rogue member, now that they had escaped the jungles of Costa Rica- barely! To the rest of the world (okay, a very small NBC viewing audience) they are still there, but those few in the know realize that it's their "Dollhouse" fembots that are actually still there, malfunctioning constantly with glitches of "desiring to quit", that have allowed the real couple to join up with the others. They could hardly relax, fearing their disappearance from the jungle will be soon discovered- fortunately for them, no one is watching.

The journey wasn't far, Sacramento to be exact, but the road was a tough one- reading road maps was no ones forte. They desired to help fix California, by way of recreating a third political party, "The No(sp) Nothings". They hoped that when they arrived at the capitol, the Terminator would grant them audience and their request for a brain- just one, to share amongst them and the recognition of a legitimate third-party.

Carrie dreamed of the ticket of Prejean-Palin ("too (sp) beauty queens in politics"), Perez hoped to emulate, and attach himself to, his hero, Rush Limbaugh. Heidi was holding out for a reunion with LC. None of them realized that they'd have to run against each other, but so was the ignorant bliss of the "No Nothings".

Ass-inine

There has been so much discussion about "accidental" asses fly around this week I thought it was already 2012 and Gingrich and Limbaugh were on the campaign trail; good to know it was just about Bruno and Eminem.

It's been a while since the MTV Movie Awards Show was (and I will use the term loosely) relevant or noteworthy. How long has it been since we saw the skeleton and Elvis' kin do that fake kiss and then discuss it? Truth be told, when's the last time anyone watched MTV for more than a "Hills" episode (and haven't we all given up on that (the ratings would seem to agree)? Yeah, MTV was once a powerhouse of social influence, but I'm placing money in the dead pool that MTV is about to be planning a wake.

Given the death of MTV, what's the new Muse? I read an article somewhere that Muses are fading like the Golden Girls; slipping away fast and you're dating yourself if you know who they are). I blame the calamity of the Muses on that atrocious fiasco of an actress, Sharon Stone, and her movie, "The Muse". That mythology has gone to Hades since she tried to channel one! But in this technologically savvy age, I guess the logic must be if you can't Twitter or Facebook, are you really there?

I wish we could get Judy Blume back- I'm pretty sure she isn't dead, so what gives?
Can't somebody resurrect her career (like Susan Boyle) and lead our new youth past vampires and LC and direct them to the new Superfudge? Or will they be lead by false/fallen angels and hail Bruno as the second coming of Borat? Talk about calamities!

So what gives, Jesus is in the dumper, LC is off the Hills, Twilight is fading (maybe too hopeful too soon) Madonna is verging on statutory rape (again) and the radio is full of GaGa....who will be the next leader?