Here is your $10 million question:
If I don't buy it, and you don't request it, why does Jennifer Lopez's music still get played?
The answer:
Because SONY BMG pays dj's to "spin" her records on the radio!
Sony is now paying a $10 million dollar fine for this payola scam. Shouldn't this become a class action lawsuit?
Who hasn't been harmed by the tunes: "Get Right", "Jenny from the Block" (...don't be fooled by the airplay that's been bought...she's as talented as a blood clot....) or "Play"? Hasn't the conscience of the American public been stunted by her? I think I might try for reparations for the damage she has caused me: loss of hair (from pulling it out trying to "get" her popularity), damage to my vocal cords (attempting to hit the same off-notes she does at karioke night at "The Sizzler"), my therapists/plastic surgeon bills (but I think my ass is too small...I want one as big as Jenny's!), and so on...but what I really will need help doing is sleeping at night. Now all I do is lie awake and wonder: "who else has designed from the J-lo line of "the emperor's new clothing".
Who else was I right about? Who else has no talent but is being falsely made into a star?... Britney Murphy? Tara Reid? Wilson Philip? Pauly Shore? Charlie Sheen?....gosh....this list could go on and on.....
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Tuesday's with Dick Cheney
Dick Cheney went in for his routine medical check-up this past week. Although for the most part he was given a “clean bill of health”<> for a man his age, a few things did show up that his doctors refused comment on; fortunately, Karl Rove was there, and so we have the report:
-a slight irritation around his heart initially puzzled the doctors because it had been widely speculated that he, in fact, had no heart, just a lump of coal left over from the last energy shortage. They were able to determine that most of the cause of the irritation stems from the democrats and their constant desire for doing things, ”the democratic way”.
-a slight rash around his calves is apparently from the endless chafing he receives from pulling cowboy boots on and off when goes out to Crawford, Texas, to explain policies to George W….who is out on the ranch “riding horsies”.
-bruising along his right arm is from trying to ram a failed Iraq war policy onto the Iraqi people. The swelling should come down as soon as he creates an exit plan for the US military.
-and finally, the burn marks on his buttocks resulted from the spontaneous combustion of the jeans he was wearing. The technical diagnosis is “liar liar pants on fire” syndrome.
There is, however, no truth to the rumor that he is going to go to Canada for insurance purposes and to receive his prescriptions at a cheaper rate than those given to politicians here in the US.
-a slight irritation around his heart initially puzzled the doctors because it had been widely speculated that he, in fact, had no heart, just a lump of coal left over from the last energy shortage. They were able to determine that most of the cause of the irritation stems from the democrats and their constant desire for doing things, ”the democratic way”.
-a slight rash around his calves is apparently from the endless chafing he receives from pulling cowboy boots on and off when goes out to Crawford, Texas, to explain policies to George W….who is out on the ranch “riding horsies”.
-bruising along his right arm is from trying to ram a failed Iraq war policy onto the Iraqi people. The swelling should come down as soon as he creates an exit plan for the US military.
-and finally, the burn marks on his buttocks resulted from the spontaneous combustion of the jeans he was wearing. The technical diagnosis is “liar liar pants on fire” syndrome.
There is, however, no truth to the rumor that he is going to go to Canada for insurance purposes and to receive his prescriptions at a cheaper rate than those given to politicians here in the US.
Tuesday, July 12, 2005
Tuesday's Homage to Gwen
“Coming clean with Whitney Houston”. The reality craze that has Bobby Brown back on tv, showing America (or those 3-4 viewers who are actually watching his show)every little misstep he takes, has inspired Whitney to create her own reality series, tentatively called, “Desperately Seeking (my name is not Susan) Sanity”.
This premise of this show is that the viewer gets to follow Whitney through her daily routine:
From waking up late, hung-over, to crashing her car into school buses, to her rehab visits to crashing out on the couch with a doobie before lunch. It’s all there for those discerning viewers who like to drive by accidents slowly.
As for the ever important theme song, Whitney gives a nod to Gwen Stefani with a remake of Gwen’s hugely popular “Hollaback Girl”, renamed, “I can’t say no to crack Girrrrl”. Here are the lyrics:
~~Hey, that my sh*t, can you get it (Bobby)?
Ooh this my sh*t, this my sh*t
I heard that you were talking smack
Jawin’ on about how my life is whack
People hear ya talking like that it gets Bobby really fired up
So he’s ready to attack, after we smoke some crack
Gotta get a glass pipe, then we’ll scream and shout
That’s right cancel my rehab check-up, get the bongs all fired up!
A few times I’ve been hooked on crack
So my addiction won’t disappear like that
“cause I’m a can’t say no to crack, girl
Can’t say no to crack girl
Ooh, this is good sh*t, it’s good sh*t!
So that’s right dude, me and Bobby’s really crude
We got no principles or receipt keepers
Both of us wanna be winners, ‘cause his reality show’s a dud
So I’m gonna fight, gonna give it my all
Gonna make Bobby fall, gonna sock it to him!
That’s right I’m the last crack whore with a craving, another one bites the dust.
A few times I’ve been hooked on crack
So my addiction won’t disappear like that
“cause I’m a can’t say no to crack, girl
Can’t say no to crack girl
Let me hear ya say small baggies be bananas
c-r-a-z-i-e
Rehab is for quitters “Q-I-T-H-A-R-Z”
This premise of this show is that the viewer gets to follow Whitney through her daily routine:
From waking up late, hung-over, to crashing her car into school buses, to her rehab visits to crashing out on the couch with a doobie before lunch. It’s all there for those discerning viewers who like to drive by accidents slowly.
As for the ever important theme song, Whitney gives a nod to Gwen Stefani with a remake of Gwen’s hugely popular “Hollaback Girl”, renamed, “I can’t say no to crack Girrrrl”. Here are the lyrics:
~~Hey, that my sh*t, can you get it (Bobby)?
Ooh this my sh*t, this my sh*t
I heard that you were talking smack
Jawin’ on about how my life is whack
People hear ya talking like that it gets Bobby really fired up
So he’s ready to attack, after we smoke some crack
Gotta get a glass pipe, then we’ll scream and shout
That’s right cancel my rehab check-up, get the bongs all fired up!
A few times I’ve been hooked on crack
So my addiction won’t disappear like that
“cause I’m a can’t say no to crack, girl
Can’t say no to crack girl
Ooh, this is good sh*t, it’s good sh*t!
So that’s right dude, me and Bobby’s really crude
We got no principles or receipt keepers
Both of us wanna be winners, ‘cause his reality show’s a dud
So I’m gonna fight, gonna give it my all
Gonna make Bobby fall, gonna sock it to him!
That’s right I’m the last crack whore with a craving, another one bites the dust.
A few times I’ve been hooked on crack
So my addiction won’t disappear like that
“cause I’m a can’t say no to crack, girl
Can’t say no to crack girl
Let me hear ya say small baggies be bananas
c-r-a-z-i-e
Rehab is for quitters “Q-I-T-H-A-R-Z”
Wednesday, July 06, 2005
Tuesday's Wanton Disregard for Discretion
Charley Pride put it best, “…and when we get behind closed doors”. “Behind closed doors”; there are just some things in life that do not need to be shared outside of the privacy of one’s own home. Reality TV has certainly pushed the envelop on what “should vs. is” shared to an audience. Do we really need to know all the ins and outs of someone like Anna Nicole or Kathy Hilton’s life? Not so much! Shouldn’t someone like Britney leave well enough alone and leave something to the imagination of her adoring fans instead of revealing to us all that yes, she is in fact a true trailer park princess? “The Chaotic life of Britney and Kevin”? Not really- try “Idiotic” next time. Now, as for the proverbial “recipe for disaster” that we all hear about, but have failed to locate in any Betty Crocker cookbook, look no further than Bobby and Whitney new “share all” reality tv show. Who in their right mind would ever share with the world that, when constipated, Bobby helped Whitney “unclog” herself? Get Ex-lax, Mylanta or something…but please don’t do it manually! And yes, this is what they admitted to on their show! Such a wanton disregard for discretion!
And I just thought Tom Cruise was crazy when he said there was no such thing as a chemical imbalance, yet is living proof of one! Hey Tom, look in the mirror, there’s a chemical imbalance looking back at you!
And I just thought Tom Cruise was crazy when he said there was no such thing as a chemical imbalance, yet is living proof of one! Hey Tom, look in the mirror, there’s a chemical imbalance looking back at you!
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