Chinese Democracy

Guns-N-Roses forces Nebraska to rewrite their safe-haven laws.

With Guns-N-Roses finally releasing their 14 years in the making "Chinese Democracy" CD/album/8track, state legislators in Nebraska moved swiftly to change a controversial safe-haven law by restricting the age under which unwanted crap in the making music teenagers could be dumped left at hospitals without parents facing prosecution.

"This is a case where moving swiftly has most-likely kept us from having to house millions of unwanted CD's", said one unnamed critic who has heard the CD and wished he hadn't. "We can't take away the harm from those exposed to this, but we can hope to stem the damage by not allowing it in the first place! And who would want to be responsible for Axl Rose anyhow?"

Another person said that the G-N-R CD should help pave the way for abortion-rights activists in the future, "As if The Spaghetti Incident wasn't bad enough, talk about something that should have been aborted a long time ago... well, this and Paula Abdul and MC Scat Kat collaborations!"

Mo' money, mo' problems

As if chronicling the "desperate for publicity housewives of Atlanta" wasn't enough to scare common-sensed people off from pursuing the "elite" lifestyle that the Atlanta women claimed to be a part of, Michael Jackson rears his ugly-head (and I say "ugly head" only in jest since his masks don't allow one to be critical of his real appearance), dogged by yet another legal issue surrounding money, to remind us just how costly fame can be.

It must be difficult to live in a world where you can't tell the difference between a business loan and a gift- to the tune of $7M! Seems to me it should be pretty "black and white".

Who lives in this kind of world? Dr. Seuss, Daddy Warbucks and Big Poppa? How can one not know the difference, a $7 million dollar difference, between a gift and a loan? That is simply mind-boggling! Was a birthday card presented and inside it said, "Sorry Michael, I couldn't think of what surgery to get you, I hope you can forgive me for just gifting you $7 million dollars. Love, the Sheikh."

Sadly, Michael claims to be too ill to travel to London for the lawsuit- it'll be interesting to see how this one plays out; I doubt a new cd will emerge from the ashes of this business venture, Mr. Sheikh. Perhaps the Jackson lad's financial troubles could become part of the bailout plan? A new way to save Motown!

But seriously, how the heck is this man solvent? I've watched the "TLC" VH-1 story on how to go broke (poor lefty eye) and cried along with Toni Braxton (unbreak her bank account) while trying to keep her Grammy awards from the IRS. And yet MJ still has some Benjamin's to roll with? Maybe he should be the one dispensing those $700 billion bucks to save the USA! Or make a charity record, "We R the Brokedown World" USA4USA! Oh wait, that's where this whole $7million dollar issue started- making records!

too much time on one's hands?

I've been slightly busy lately: shopping for Sarah Palin's concession speech outfit and all is no easy task...what, she hasn't yet quit running? Nevermind. OK, busy helping Barack Obama measure the drapes and try and get the smear stains out of the carpet- what does get them stubborn stains out? Retooling the image of Britney Spears just about wore me out; I was ready to shave my head at times! I just finally had to wash my hands of the "Publicity Desperate Houswives of Atlanta" after several of them couldn't grasp basic math and spelling; talk about trying to teach bitches a new trick! And then there's the $700 billion I have been asked to spend for America (okay, you got me, so I've only spent that infamous $150,000 so far) but not tell anyone how I am doing it- stealth shopping is hard work! Probably shouldn't spend it on a foreign car purchase huh?

So here's someone who obviously has too much time on his hands...amazing, though!