Suddenly Single

Single again...

"I was just a boy, sitting in front of a TV show, no longer loving her"


What would once be met with a joyous uproar now barely gets a "meh" from moi.
A barely audible response of indifference was my reaction when I heard that "The Hills" had been renewed for MTV. Who gives a rip for season 5?

Yes, I have outgrown my relationship and I have ended the long time love of my Monday nights...I broke up with The Hills.

Well, like, who hasn't? The ratings are sinking like Lady Gaga in front of a line up of naked sailors. Yep, it's gotten down and dirty fast! Even the queen bee has chosen to walk away- Lauren Conrad has left the Hill...the rest will soon come tumbling after. Maybe she can now give more time to her clothing line before it....ooops, too late.

Its not to say we didn't have a nice run for awhile; I was so hot and heavy into everything Lo, Audrina or Brody had to say or wear. I was a quoting fool of all the best Justin Bobby lines (ALL of them), and when it came to Speidi- nobody loathed them half as good as me (besides David Letterman)...I was the consummate fan.

Maybe it was the trip east, for Whitney, that was my last straw. Like a fan of Destiny's Child feels once Beyonce has left and only reunites for charity singles; it is just not the same. I suddenly found myself cheating on the gang- switching over to watch other shows on Monday nights- and liking them! Liking them more than the plots of The Hills even! Okay, maybe that is stretching the concept of a plot too much, but even Dancing with the Stars became more engaging (and quite a good lot of eye candy to boot scoot boogie with).

So, it's over. Done. Finito.
R.I.P. "The Hills" may the sun finally set on you soon...

I'm moving on, Lauren's moving on, Whitney has left, the sex has gone as stale as a Speidi fight; why stay around any longer?

The Hills is starting to resemble a 14 year old dog, half-blind, half-deaf and with only 3 working legs...won't somebody put it out of it's misery?

Judge Dredd

Dear The Misss USA Pageant,

I find it highly offensive and regrettable that you have stooped to such a low level of name calling after the outcome of awarding a sash and tiara. I, as an American, recognize and fully embrace the rights of citizens to certain freedoms, but when a bunch of short-sighted and apparently dimwitted people get together and make decisions that can cause harm to the "greater good", and let's just be clear, the "greater good" encompasses about 50 wannabees who weren't crowned Miss USA, I believe you can be held to a higher level of public scrutiny, just like the people who green-lighted the reality show about firing people at their job or the home loan lenders.

So I want to know, WTF was the pageant thinking when they selected Perez Hilton as a judge? Yeah, that's right. Stupid is as stupid does. Was Andrew Dice Clay not available? Chris Brown too busy? You wanted credibility for your contest and yet you asked a gossip blogger to rate women? Perez doesn't even really like women! Shame on you! Have you looked at him, seen how he acts, dresses, interacts with others? How could you ever think he would bring any positive attention to the cattle show?

I guess you can't always get what you want (ask Levi Johnston about that), but if you try sometimes, you might get what you need- next time show a little effort and respect to your contest and you might get a little back...

Pins, Needles and Razors

I am on pins and needles today, just giddy with the possibilities of what NASA may name its space station module tomorrow. Will they go with "Colbert", since that won the "name that" contest? or might they go with something more trendy, like Apple or "Bono"? I like the idea of either Obama or Oprah, personally. Then we could just call it "the Big O in space", "can anybody hear you scream?"

I stumbled, or should I say stubbled, across this controversy today.
I thought it was a hoot that this video/commercial was even made. My serious thought is "who penned the lyrics?" You know it ain't Diane Warren or Carol King, but during these hard economic times, even songwriters have to make a few Benji's to keep hotpockets in the freezer (along with their Grey Goose). I'm gonna put money on Katy Perry ("tulips on the mound....pretty clever!) or Samantha Fox! Can you imagine the pitch meeting...

It's nice they kept the ad so politically correct, I just wonder why they didn't pair this ad with lawn food or weed killer products.

4 words to remember..."tulips on the mound"

Africa not for USA

Madonna's bid to purchase another family jewel has been thwarted. A Malawi judge decided that she could not further accessorize herself with trinket children from his country. The ruling cites a law that prospective parents must reside for at least 18 months in the country before they can poach the local's cribs.

Why the change in position regarding having to live in the country? Perhaps it was after seeing the photo she attached to her resume (see side photo)?

Stymied in her efforts to catch up with Angelina and Nadya, it is rumored that Madge will now simple buy all of Malawi and retain control of the country until she gets what she wants. When asked for a quote about the situation, Guy Ritchie simply said, "Who's that girl?"

It is an unfortunate time for Madonna, as she watches Lady GaGa shimmy up and down the stripper pole and music charts she once owned, while her hits languish somewhere on the charts akin to a Danity Kane or Natasha Bedingfield single. Could Madonna be experiencing what it feels like for a 50 year old girl who still wears leotards out and about, something like a carton of yogurt on a shelf past it's pull date...expired and ready to be tossed out at any minute? Gosh I hope not, she's still got moves Mariah only dreams of having!

Never one to give up, and with the fashionable Spring and Summer months ahead (always the perfect time for child-like accessories) I imagine Madonna's next move will either be to go all in-vitro with A-Rod's child, or adopt one of Bobby Brown's kids.