I Learned it from Reality TV

Everything important in life, I learned from TV.

ok, more precisely, i learned the real critical stuff from reality tv

My lesson of the summer is two-fold; "don't mess with the big balls, just take a time penalty" and "men don't leave". Ladies, I hope you are taking notes! You ought to be taking notes!

So the "nothing to watch on Monday nights" complaint is finally over, now that "True Blood" repeats Sunday night's episode at the much more friendly hour of 8pm.
But I did get mildly hooked on the Bachelorette (finally concluding this week)- it's such a well written show! The plot lines are quite addictive.

After watching this hapless woman narrow down her suitors-to-be, I found myself asking, are (straight) men always this way? Not once or twice, but three times now men have left, just to show back up...and twice they were asked to leave. What's up with the "men don't leave" mentality? I can't imagine this translates well with future possible mates who have observed these guys not being able to take directions. I hope those who have to deal with men learn to lock their doors and change locks frequently! There's nothing more pathetic than a guy who's been dumped coming back for more...can I get an amen (and a restraining order)?

Years ago Jessica Lange has a movie about this phenomena, but I thought Lorena Bobbitt helped put an end to this; apparently not.

As for the big balls...well, that just goes without saying.

I Survived A Senate Hearing Gameshow

"dim all the lights (sweet darling) and cue the audience."
"placards in place to tell when to hoot and whistle and cheer and boo."

bring out the contestants

"stock the challenge booth with lots of water and ginseng, to help refresh the person and their memories."

First question, (for a potential seat in the big courthouse), "what EXACTLY did you mean, when 22 years ago, you said, "damn, he's hot!"

"To the best of my recollection, while watching a "6 Million Dollar Man" rerun, I noted that, while saving a disabled person, the actor, Lee Majors, looked hot in his t-shirt."

"Could you please clarify that statement? The American people have right to know where you stood on the appearance of Lee Majors (20 years ago), and if, by claiming he "was hot" did you discriminate against a lesser handsome person and trample over someones rights to non-discrimination based on appearance? So you believed Lee Majors to be hot?"

"At the time I thought that was an appropriate response. Yes."

"And do you still feel that way?"

"No."

"So you have changed your position on something you said just 22 years ago?"

cue the boo and hiss cards

Nothing further, next contestant please...

HP6: Magically Delicious!

Hip-hip-hooray!

I caught a premiere showing of Harry Potter last night and thoroughly enjoyed it!
Yes, this is from the same person who is enjoying this seasons Bachelorette, but don't hate on that! I know it's just fluff! It's not rocket science like Wipeout!

To help set the record straight, I didn't wait up past midnight to catch it, I got a sneak peek- and the only reason why I clarify that is to help prove I am impartial; as much as I may like Madonna, I'm not afraid to call out her in Body of Evidence, Shanghai Surprise , Who's that Girl, Speed the Plow her movie choices SweptAway. I'm not one of the crazy ones who dress up and and wait for hours/days in line to catch the Half-Blood Prince at the striking of midnight, or counted down the days till the final book came out.

Ok, getting the Deathly Hollows, at Waterstones, in London, on July 20th, 2007, way past midnight, on what is otherwise known as "opening night of sales" is a totally different story! (Tom) Riddle me this...Where were you when the final book came out?

Anywho...the movie is great, but advice for the book lover, don't brush up on the storyline before you go- there are some deviations from the book that may disappoint some of the "true hearts". But taken as its own movie, it's a wonderful adventure and has you primed for the final two installments...2010 and 2011 can't come soon enough!

Re-Joyce!

Nothing screams, "MOVE THAT BUS!", like a bad mug shot!
The latest entry into the "I'm a drunk celebrity- get me an extreme makeover" is none other than the lovable and laughable Janet. What she wouldn't do to have Mr. Roper bail her out of this one!

"well yeah, Three's Company was on 3 decades ago, but hey...who's counting?" Apparently, neither Joyce nor the Regal Beagle bartender, but the Breathalyzer certainly was!

There really should be someone running a "GlamorMug Shot" service to the stars- they'd certainly stay in business. Given how TMZ is all over everyone's shit before the cops are, perhaps they could add it to their line of services. At least then someone might agree to an interview or regard them somewhat favorably.

Here's hoping Joyce DeWitt pulls that mug back together, it's way too close to looking like Norman Fell!

Is that it?

Beggars can't be choosers, but I felt this action was just the tip of the iceberg.

Given the crap that we as a radio listening audience have had to put up with over the years, I would think Mimi could have been a bit longer in her apology. Yes, it is a great first step towards acknowledging the s&$t she squatted out and dumped on the world, but it makes me think that she doesn't realize that is how she always sounds!

And, while she is apologizing, what about the dress she wore...?

So I have seen the dessert, "Death by Chocolate", on many a fine restaurants menus, but after reading this I just kept thinking about poor Augusta in Willy Wonka. This is not the way I want to go. MJ is my new role model for going out quick and easy, but with a big splash! Just no Mariah, please!

Stealing Salutations

Merry 3rd of July to all and to all a good fireworks show!

Something as big as the USA's birthday deserves more than just a mere day to celebrate (and who couldn't use another day off work), so I'm pushing to get a "4th of July Birthday Eve" added to our grouping of federal holidays. Note, that is "grouping", not "groping"; one needs not wait for a federal holiday to be groped, if you're lucky! Hello, separation of church and state? We "technically" aren't a religious country, but Jesus gets an "eve" thrown his way (and it's not even the real birth date, if you follow those things), so why can't Uncle Sam? Let the debate begin!

So Michael is dead and now he's a saint; funny what death can do to an image. Perhaps Perez should take note? Bet he's glad June is over! It's almost blasphemous now to refer to MJ as "wacko jacko", but less than two weeks ago he was irrelevant, bizarre and losing Neverland Ranch, again. Strip away his music credentials and he was a creepy man who would most likely have been locked up for a variety of reasons, least of all the cavorting around with a monkey. But now...need I say more?