DUH!

You can't be gay if no man will sleep with you!

So Ted Haggard is a cured "total heterosexual," oh happy day for the gays! No more Gay Days for Teddy bear! At least that means Orlando will be a Ted-free zone this year!

I question that he is cured, but like any gay man in their right mind is going to attempt to challenge that assertion, so the "diagnosis" stands by default? Maybe Ted should be doing a "Femmespa" commercial, (or Snickers) "give us three weeks and we'll take off your gayness and get your groove back with the babes!"

Sorry ladies, this is one man we ain't trying to keep on our team! Why keep someone who'd only ride the bench and never see any action on the field?"

**picture caption, "after 3 weeks of no sex it's tightened back down to this size, I must be straight, or out of jail!"