on my radar: odoriferous

Mariah smells up the place with her new perfume.

The assault continues- is no sense safe?

1. Sight: way too abused via MTV and BET, I used to envy Hellen Keller.

2. Sound: Even dogs hear the highest pitches- that's no fantasy!

3. Taste: always been bad!

4. Feel: nauseated by career spanning the 1999-2007 years and when seen pushing an ice-cream cart.

5. Smell: until now I could escape that one! Probably like thrown-up cotton candy at a state fair.

The Sixth Sense: I saw her career dead years ago, but the bitch won't stay dead! Can't she be more like Martika??

Common Sense: never had, never will; meltdown in 2002 now blamed on global-warming.

And what's up with that picture? Looks like she's lying in a pool of someone's blood (Beyonce's?) getting ready to fart!

Save yo ur money, buy a Febreeze candle instead!

Just my two cents....

on my radar: September

Holy Shit! Where did September go? Wasn't it only yesterday that Labor Day weekend started?
I have checked the calendar 3 times to make sure someone isn't fooling with me. Now I feel the pain of someone who has their stuff stolen and really wants it back ...I just won't pull a gun, knife, or anti-theft "the club" tool out to get it back! Sunrise, sunset...

I was astounded by the gossip that swirled around poor Miley Cyrus/Hanna Montana this past weekend! To think she might be "with child!" She's fourteen years-old for goodness sake! Come on, it's not like she's hanging out with Woody Allen or Kevin Federline (is she?) or Vanessa Hudgens!

"September morn. We danced until the night became a brand new day

Two lovers playing scenes from some romantic play

September morning still can make me feel this way" Neil Diamond baby!

on my radar: OJ

So I just didn't have the time to skip work and stand in-line for the new Halo 3 release, and I wasn't sure if it was really woth $60 bucks, so I made a game up instead, let's play "Where in the world is OJ's stolen shit?" Winners get the chance to steal OJ's Heisman trophy hidden somewhere in the world with Carmen SanDiego.
As a gamer you journey across America, flying from sunny Florida to Las Vegas, earning points by signing autograph's and not getting caught dumping bloody knives in the airplane bathroom. The more autographs you sign, the less guilty you feel. Earn more points upon your arrival to Las Vegas by locating a wedding party that consists of men carrying weapons who are willing to bust into a hotel room. Loss of points if one of the men is Kato Kaelin. Wearing any type of gloves, other than Isotoner's, or Bruno Magli shoes instantly lands you in court; lose freedom for a week. Rent from Hertz gains you points and speeds you through the check-out line. Successfully keep money hidden from the Goldman family buys you a lavish home in Florida. Write a tell-all book and lose all points. Continue to look for killer and stolen memorabilia on golf courses around the globe- end up wealthy and a free man. Get busted for acting like Walker Texas Ranger-priceless and lose your freedom- game over.

on my radar: whiter shade of pale

So I went into my local Sherwin-Williams store the other day, hoping to redo the walls of my condo. Do you know how many different shades of white there are? Holy Crap! Not only is there "eggshell" and "sandy beach", but there's "Mariah Carey" and "Barak Obama" right alongside "Martha Stewart" and "red-headed skin tone". Well, as much as I liked Obama, apparently he is just too white for my space, Jesse Jackson's too it appears!

This is just driving me crazy, how racist is it to tell someone they are "acting too white?" This is what Jesse called Obama over his "lack" of enough reaction to the "Jena 6" story. Are there white and black protocols I don't know about when it come to reacting to injustices done to people? If I, for one minute, were to say Al Sharpton is just being "too black" about how he's handling the whole thing, I'd be deemed racist, so why is it okay to say it in reverse? Will Jesse Jackson rename the President's house the Obama House or is that too white?

On a side note, when the President first heard about the Louisiana ordeal, he called Laura up to as why Jenna was down there having sex with six guys.

on my radar: criminal justice

God love the Constitution and the right to the freedom to speak freely, unless you are on Fox and have a point to make about the war...or just want to invoke the "non-offensive" (per FCC guidelines) expression, "goddamn"; you'll be censored, right Sally? Heck, even the ACLU is defending Larry Craig's right to a private conversation regardless of where it transpires, even if he doesn't support the ACLU's endeavors.

So what does it take these days to get busted? Ironically, for OJ, murder isn't what will get you locked up, but busting in to a hotel room, stealing your (or someone elses- it's not really clear) shit with weapons drawn and holding some sports memorabilia collectors hostage might do what a damn bloody knife and ill-fitting glove couldn't do...give him a life behind bars. Ain't that something! Poetic Justice?

The beauty of OJ's circumstance is the statement made by his lawyer, asserting that "it is only because of who OJ is that he is still behind bars, anyone else would have been granted bail and been released with in hours". No shit Sherlock! "Anyone else" hasn't been up for murder and tried to flee in a white Bronco...talk about a flight risk!

The perfect "lovely bones" twist to this crime would be a pan away from the incarcerated OJ and see Nicole Simpson's angel flying over the Nevada desert dumping the "missing stolen" goods!

Comedienne killed the videostar?

Anyone who watched the news today was reminded of the dreadful act that was committed on our country's soil 48 hours ago. Yes, it has been 48 hours since the Britney bomb went off, and General Petraeus couldn't be happier. Didn't Hilary Clinton say the Republicans would benefit from another bombing? She was right! While some news was dedicated to the Iraq report presented to Congress by Gen. Petraeus, a good portion of the news was still focusing on the aftermath of the debacle known as Ms. Spears.

Who to blame? The comedienne Sarah Silverman was the first target. Rep's claim Britter was so upset about the comedy act that was to go on after her, poking fun at her children, that Britney couldn't perform (boy that was obvious- even to Stevie Wonder!). Hmm, seeing how Sarah said no one knew her material prior to her delivery, I'd have to strike that one off the list. And we know Britney ain't a psychic or she never would have: left JT, had a 24 hour quickie marriage, starred in Crossroads, met KFed, 2 kids, party with Paris, shave her head or wear Lohan's stripper outfit to the VMA's), so she couldn't have known the material ahead of time.

Next best guess: a government conspiracy to distract us from the real news; a failing war report. I think it worked! My only damning proof is the eerily similar timing of another catastrophic bombing 6 years ago, the release of Mariah's "Glitter" CD. That bomb hit hard on Sept. 11th 2001, and 6 years later, we all still talk about where we were when that bomb was dropped.

Can someone open an X-File on this? Mulder? Scully?

on my radar: going nuts over football (ouch!)

Not for the faint -hearted....but too strange to be fiction

OKLAHOMA CITY (AP) -- To some Oklahoma football fans, there are things that just aren't done in the heart of Sooner Nation, and one of them is to walk into a bar wearing a Texas Longhorns T-shirt.
That's exactly what touched off a bloody skirmish that left a Texas-shirt-wearing fan nearly castrated and an Oklahoma fan facing aggravated assault charges that could put him in prison for up to five years.
The shocking case has set off a raging debate in this football-crazed region about the extreme passions behind a bitter rivalry. Some legal observers have even questioned whether this case could ever truly have an impartial jury.
"I've actually heard callers on talk radio say that this guy deserved what he got for wearing a Texas T-shirt into a bar in the middle of Sooner country," said Irven Box, an attorney in this city 20 miles from Oklahoma's campus in Norman.
According to police, 32-year-old Texas fan Brian Christopher Thomas walked into Henry Hudson's Pub on June 17 wearing a Longhorns T-shirt and quickly became the focus of football "trash talk" from another regular, 53-year-old Oklahoma fan Allen Michael Beckett.
Thomas told police that when he decided to leave and went to the bar to pay his tab, Beckett grabbed him in the crotch, pulled him to the ground and wouldn't let go, even as bar patrons tried to break it up. When the two men were separated, Thomas looked down and realized the extent of his injuries.
"He could see both of his testicles hanging on the outside of his body," said Thomas' attorney, Carl Hughes. "He was wearing a pair of white shorts, which made it that much worse."
It took more than 60 stitches to close the wound, and police interviewed Thomas at a nearby hospital emergency room.

on my radar: effing bore!

WTF was up with Britney???

The VMA's started out like an old Lawrence Welk show...tediously slow, crappy music, and incredibly lame dancing. Oh wait, at least Lawrence's show had sparkle from the bubble-making machine; Britney was flatter than Shelley Duvall or three-day old champagne!

Was this her first day of sober dance rehearsals? She stepped like a pregnant cow, looked barely thinner than a hefer, and appeared horribly unprepared to do the number. Trista Sutter looked more certain of her dance step when she hoofed it on "Dancing with the Stars" (and she was the first to be eliminated in Season One). Mo'Nique could bust out more moves and look more graceful than B-list Spears! A real officer of the people should have pulled over this wreck of a performance and cited her with a DUI, "dancing un-inspired."

Apparently Brit's been so busy trying to remember her children's names that she didn't have time to learn the words to her own song! It probably didn't help her cause that she was up till 6AM partying Sunday morning with Diddy and just saying "no no no" to her rehab stint with grey goose and red bull cocktails.

And as for the "barely there" outfit; the only way that 2-piece looked good on her was if she was using a circus mirror or she did a 3-year time rewind-God that would be good for her!

If I could rewrite the lyrics they would definitely incorporate the words "what a bore, what a bore! Give me less, quit looking like a whore...." Anesthesia, Britney be thy name.

Kanye had it right when he bitched that she shouldn't open the show, she just about put it to sleep! She's just lucky Michael Vick wasn't in the audience with that dog of a performance!

on my radar: Fall

Farewell my summer love! Summer loving, had me a blast!

Dido and I must get the sand out of my shoe and head into Fall...after a week at the beach I'm a'peelin!

Have been beaching it...I will blog again!