on my radar: waiting for a Starr to fall

Now that wasn't long at all, was it?

Defying gravity and all other odds, Starr Jones continues to have a miserable career and sex life. Okay, the sex life is just an assumption if I am including her soon-to-be-divorced husband in the equation. Well, actually, given the rampant rumors, she may not have been having too much luck before the divorce either...that's what marrying a gay man can do, just ask Ted Haggert's wife! Of course Starr wouldn't have been doing any better if she had married an "upstanding family-focused man" like, say, Roger Clemens; there she would have had to fight for affection (and maybe an infection or two) with Mindy McCready, the country version of Tara Reid and Courtney Love. Apparently there's no Starr-crossed romance in the Starrs for her. It really doesn't matter which way the hubby swings, she appears destine to strike out, but bless her heart for "going down down in an earlier round and Starr's going down swinging!" Total team player!

Looking back, who would have guessed that the pinnacle of her success would be tied back to her days being brow beaten by a group of women on "The View?" That's some truTV that can't be made up, unless your name happens to be Debbie Matenopoulos.

Maybe there is mad type of karma that exists for Bridezilla's; be a bitch for your wedding, marry a bitch who will break your heart and watch your career burnout as brightly as the Basque club fire! Ouch!

on my radar: Soda Wars

I wasn't quite sure what to make with the mythology of what happens when you add a Mento's to a Coke until I ran across this article; this makes me very worried about what college students are studying these days.

1500 students, from Belgium, tried to out-fizz the previous record for so-called Mentos fountains by simultaneously putting Mentos mints into bottles of the soft drink. The resultant chemical reaction shot hundreds of streams of carbonated soda into the air.

The explosive record-breaking event was held in Ladeuzeplein square in Leuven, Belgium.

Rejoice! Maybe we can use the knowledge/technology to hold "soda wars" with Iraq and get rid of our nuclear arms!

I hope someone passed out some Orbit gum to clean up the mess!

on my radar: good over evil

After losing about 40% of its value last week, Crocs (NASDAQ: CROX) has another headache. As if the colors weren't already headache inducing!

The Wall Street Journal reports that "Japan has asked the maker of Crocs to look into changing the design of its footwear after complaints that children wearing the colorful plastic clogs have had their feet injured on escalators." Why can't they just quit wearing the damn things? I wish I knew how to quit you!

The company has faced similar accusations in the United States and Crocs is reportedly working with the Elevator/Escalator Safety Foundation (I can't believe that even exists) on public education initiatives. I think it's called what not to wear!

What does all this mean for Crocs? Probably not much beyond the company's already dismal financial results, although the posters warning about the dangers of Crocs near escalators in Japan probably won't do much to spur sales. But you never know what Japanese consumers will do, they love Mariah and William Hung

Crocs' dramatic fall from grace has been an interesting story to watch, and the company just doesn't seem to be able to catch a break. It's about time! The Britney of the shoe industry!

The safety concerns are not disclosed as risk factors in Crocs' latest 10-K, indicating that the company's management may not see them as a material threat to sales.

The safety concerns are not disclosed as risk factors in Crocs' latest 10-K, indicating that the company's management may not see them as a material threat to sales. Heck, people still wear them as ugly as they are, why would possible injury slow them down?

on my radar: parents of the corn

Where is your husband? "We are only worried about the safety of the children"
But where is your husband? "We are only worried about the safety of the children"
Have you spoken to your husband lately? "We are only worried about the safety of the children"...

and so sayeth the "Jeffs' Tribe Wives" over and over again, as if they were coached, drugged, or perhaps fembots programmed with only one answer. They appear as if they just moved from Stepford or the little house on the polygamist prairie. A strong argument, after observing several of the women's behavior, could be made that here that cloning has already gone well beyond "the valley of the Dollie" (and someone forgot to tweeze the original's eyebrows! Given the amount of ceremonial crap that goes on in the compound, someone could have saved up some candle wax to fix them unibrows)!

It used to be that only clowns frightened me, now the "Polygamist Wives" put me in hives! Someone needs to let them know that when they are on TV to look up at the cameraman!!!

here's the link:
http://video.236.com/services/link/bcpid1507884310/bctid1508292401

on my radar: the running of the bulls@#!

Pamplona met Las Vegas, and Miss Texas won; too bad no one else did. Perhaps it's time to hang up the heels, remove the double-stick tape and call the pageant parades passe!

Once again, the former viewers of beauty pageants failed to turn on and tune out, last Friday,apparently resisting the urge to gawk at the latest running of the bulls down the catwalk in Vegas. Yep, lowest rating of the shows run this time around. Of course, as my fates fiddled with my string of life, they ever so conveniently designed to place me a mile high up in the sky, desperately seeking some form of sanity salvation, dressed up as tv entertainment; Danity Kane it all, I got stuck with the Miss USA broads and Donnie and Marie! Throw away any debates about waterboarding being an illegal form of torture, watching this show Trumps that!

The show, purposefully designed to have "more of an edge" this cycle, still felt as dull as a butter knife, only it was being wield by the angry hooker left out of the Victoria's Secret Underwear Fashion Show. Talk about trussed up tarts at a Glamazon photo shoot. I almost felt sorry for Miss Oklahoma (what the heck was that evening gown about with diamond-shaped cut outs on the sides? "Evening wear", not "late night on the corner scouting for St. Johns" evening attire) when I saw her walk around and stop and pose, until I realized everyone one of them did the exact same thing- some Next Top Model flop must have been behind that coaching decision; they make Lauren look elegant!

The missed opportunity of the night was during the final round of interview questions for the last five contestants; thrown the stupid question "which celebrity would you like to help", Miss Okie took the softball question and threw Britney under the bus (and that's got to hurt, when wannabe's want to help you "as such" Miss Jr. S. Carolina and gang), why didn't she look into the panel of judges (Rob Schneider and Heather Mills amongst them) and say, "you, because you've sunk so low you are sitting here judging this pageant!" Ah, touche...

Thank goodness my flight landed just after seeing Miss Texas gallop away with the tiara (at 26, the second oldest winner, her profession appears to be contests).

on my radar: Noble Causes

Sometimes I wish that I could stop you from talking
when I hear the silly things that you say.
I think somebody better put out the big light,
cause I can't stand to see you this way.

Ryan Seacrest, I know this world is killing you.
Oh, Ryan, my aim is true.
My aim is true.

All apologies Elvis Costello and "Alison"

God "American Idol" sucked! Yeah, they gave back and that is great, don't get me wrong, but that show just sucked. It is a noble cause to raise money ($22m!), but they executed that plan so randomly- it looked like photo ops for most of the stars and the juxtaposition of "charity videos" and humorous skits just fell flat. It's like having Michael Richards give an MLK Jr eulogy.

Annie and Bono rock like Prudential! But the rest (hey there Miley, you jail bait chanteuse, work the stripper pole next time, Pussycat Dolls await you!) just didn't work.

And what annoyed me the most was Mr. Seacrest quipping about how children should never have to see tragedy in the world- referring to the Katrina victims. Tragedy is sad, but to mask reality from kids is just wrong. We all need to understand life and death, good and bad, tragedy and triumphs...that's what living is all about. Shielding kids from the world only produces Carrot Tops and Britney Spears...I'd like to be grounded in reality....where are Lauren and Audrina when I need them?

on my radar: dog day afternoon

While I was walking up the sidewalk/hill in West Hollywood today (yes, contrary to what the Missing Persons may claim, "nobody walks in LA", I was hoofing it), my eyes and ears straining to catch any whiff or sound of a "Speidi spat" going on within the vicinity, or a "Lauren lunch", which, based on what I see on "The Hills", happens all the time, I found myself overhearing a most amusing conversation, one which could safely be dubbed as, "only in LA."

The harried and preoccupied woman walking (or should I say hogging the sidewalk with little concern that I was being forced to walk on the grass...)next to me was attached to a seemingly excited dog restrained by its leash and owner. As she plowed by me, frantically yakking on the cellphone growing out of her hand/ear, I distinctly heard her say, "...honey, he's taken his anti-anxiety medicine and yet this is already his second walk of the day and it's not even dark out!"

WTF?!!

Ah, the day has come when the dogs are on meds and the owners are freakin' if they "aren't" working. There is just so much wrong with this scene! Little did I know I was walking next to a dog whisperer and puppy pill pusher; diagnosising and prescribing! The whole experience made me think of the Swans, from "Best in Show," when they freak out about finding a bumble bee for their dog...

Ah, LA!

on my radar: deal or no deal

So Mr. Brown is using his prerogative to clear the air about his relationship with Miss Houston. Good to know she was the dealer in the family that lead him astray, and not the other way around! He squarely lays the blame on her shoulders for leading him into the life of crazy drugs (pot not counting)- "it was her fault," he said. Nice job Bobby, maybe one day you will learn the words "personal accountability."

Given that this R&B version of Sid and Nancy (or Kurt and Courtney) had absolutely no shame about letting the viewing public know every little step they took, going as far as to share a little nugget that might have been left best off the air, that he helped unconstipate her with his fingers, it comes as no surprise that she was the lead dawg and he was always stuck with the shit- literally.

He continues to earn points by saying they married for the wrong reasons; him for love and children, her for squashing persistent lesbian rumors. "So I married a lesbian for love and children," something doesn't seem right with this equation, Cupid, what could it be? Penthouse room available in the Heartbreak Hotel? The logic of marrying someone not into you "for love and children" would seem drug-induced, but that supposed "crack is whack" lifestyle didn't happen untilafter becoming "Mr. Bodyguard." That story makes about as much sense as Whitney's Diane Sawyer interview!

I'm sure more tantalizing tidbits will be shared as his book, "The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but..." gets close to publishing time, but until then, a question that is bothering me worse that wondering "Ronnie, Bobby, Mickey and Mike, if I like a girl who cares who you like?" is if Whitney was the bad guy and they are now split, who does he blames for his "Going Country" decision?

FYI, the marriage didn't stop the rumors...

on my radar: foolhearty

NEW 12:20 p.m. WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Top executives of the five biggest U.S. oil companies said Tuesday they know high fuel prices are hurting consumers, but deflected any blame and argued their profits — $123 billion last year — were in line with other industries....

Excuse me? Which other industries are they referring to? Did they mean other nation's GNP?

Random note: April is National Foot Health Month and if you need to feel better about yourself, here's an easy way to do it...

Wellness Tip of the Month:

Inspect your feet regularly. Pay attention to changes in color and temperature of your feet. Look for thick or discolored nails (a sign of developing fungus), and check for cracks or cuts in the skin. Peeling or scaling on the soles of feet could indicate athlete’s foot. Any growth on the foot is not considered normal. (www.apma.org)


Wellness Challenge of the Month:
Wash your feet every day in warm soapy water (don’t soak them, as this might destroy the natural oils) and dry thoroughly, especially between the toes. (www.feetforlife.org)

You CAN do it!!!!!! Please even consider exceeding the challenge!