Tuesday, June 24, 2008

on my radar: starlets secret pact


Hollywood shook, like Amy Winehouse "two days sober", yesterday when a secret pact between 17 of Hollywood's up and coming starlets was revealed. Noting a rather alarming rate of young Hollywood actresses NOT becoming pregnant in the last few years (note: Jamie Lynn Spears and a botoxed Denise Richards don't count) famed sleuth "Fred", of the infamous Scooby gang, took it upon himself to slip out of the Mystery Van and do a little solo investigation work. "As much as I love my team, I just couldn't risk Daphne, aka "danger prone", jeopardizing my work," Fred stated.
Rumors are rampant that none other than the "big cheese" is footing the bill for the exclusive report and is planning a 3rd Scooby sequel (and a ton of scooby snacks) as a way to smooth over the ruffled feathers of "the gang".

The report itself, due to be released mid-sweeps, is said to contain damaging evidence that proves that these 17 young women all agreed to actually abstain from sex. Dakota Fanning has spoken out, vehemently denying the accusation and implying that on many occasions she has tried to sleep with the Jonas Brothers, only to end up with Dylan Sprouse, aka Zack, from "The Suite life of Zack and Joey". Abigail Breslin might have spilled the beans on what really transpired with these "'tween chicks", "we just wanted to apply ourselves to our schooling, and while in pursuit of our GED's, we quit having unsafe sex, and thus a lower pregnancy rate became the by-product, it's not like we meant to quit sleeping around; we all still really look up to Jamie Lynn! There was no secret pact!"

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