Marathon Madness

Have you noticed that anything that now happens during the month of March has to be described as "madness?"

"Sears' March blow-out sale! Everything must go! It's MADNESS!"

Perhaps that is why Atlanta holds one of its marathons during the month of March, because to run 26.2 miles in a row, without the fate of a city hanging in the balance of you completing, or failing, in your mission, seems to be a decision of "utter madness" to me.

Apparently that view isn't shared by everyone, since I was forced to adjust my driving route (of 3 miles)for getting to and from the park, where the marathon happened to be staged. Yes, there I was, stuck in traffic, trying to negotiate the closed-off streets and red-lights with a bunch of pedestrians/runners who would have better served the city if they'd just gotten into their cars and driven around the town ("hey, gas is cheap again- use it or lose it!"), like I was, instead of hogging up the streets and sidewalks with their Nike, Adidas, and New Balance outfits, running for the "health" of it. Their "health inducing traffic jams" did little for the blood pressure and patience of anyone not participating in their little endeavor-so selfish and inconsiderate of them! "Ooh, look at our exclusive clique of runners going soo much faster than you on the streets today." Well at least I could listen to my music in the car and not be inhaling pollen! We'll see who wheezes last!

It was quite a cold day, for late March, in the A-town (clearly even Mother Nature was doing her part to try and stop the madness, by way of extreme temperatures!), and I was really expecting to see a lot more Uggs and bling being worn by the runners than I actually witnessed. I thought my city was more cutting-edge than just the usual spandex and running-shoe crowd I witnessed. Bummer. Maybe next year? At least consider wearing jeans shorts and crocs!

I'd consider running a marathon, but then I'd rethink it pretty quickly. I'm afraid I'd be stuck next to Zola Budd and she'd trip me near the finish, or Katie Holmes would kick my ass, running in a pair of Easy Spirits and a Nicole Miller ensemble- bitch!

I'll stick to creating traffic the good old-fashion way, in my car!

Friday Frivolity

So, every once in a while I get a song stuck in my head and I can't get it out for the love of Rock Me Amadeus! If you were thinking Kylie's, "Can't get you out of my Head", you were oh so...

"La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la"

...close.


So, to salute all songs that can just linger like a bad hangover...here's a great video I stumbled across to help you rattle and hum the day away.

Happy Friday!

Komodo Anne Coulter Attacks Fisherman

Komodo dragons, Anne Coulter, one of the world's heaviest bitchiest Republican lizards, can grow a forked-tongue up to 3 meters (10 feet) in length and have a toxic bite that they she uses to kill prey such as buffalo, democrats and young children, returning to feast when the animal succumbs to the poison.

Despite their (her) ungainly appearance, the carnivorous reptile(s) can run as fast as a dog Laura Ingraham in short bursts, jump up on their (her) hind legs, and kill animals with a blows of (from) their powerful tails, tales, and talons.

Attacks on (Republican) humans are rare, but Monday's incident is the latest in a series in which the monster lizards (readers choice, either Anne or Laura or both) -- which have forked tongues and fearsome claws --have killed or injured people.

Last month a park ranger Meghan McCain survived after a Komodo dragon Anne Coulter climbed the ladder into his hut and tried to savaged his hand and foot. In 2007 an eight-year-old boy Matt Lauer almost died after being mauled.

In June last year, a group of divers reporters who were stranded on an island in the national park her radio show -- the dragons' Anne's only natural habitat -- had to fend off several attacks from the reptiles before they were rescued.

Park rangers also tell the cautionary tale of a Swiss tourist Liberal who vanished leaving nothing but a pair of spectacles and a camera after an encounter with the dragons Anne several years ago.

An endangered species, Komodo Anne is believed to number less than 4,000 in the wild years old. Access to their habitat is restricted, but tourists can get permits to see them in the wild on FoxNews or within the National (Republican) Park.

Fear Factor

Dick Cheney has the audacity to tell Americans they are not safe under the Obama Administration. WTF does he know about creating safety? Does Feb. 11th, 2006, ring a bell, a-hole? Yeah, probably not because there has been so much subterfuge over the incident that happened around that date. Well, here's a reminder, it's "about the date" that you shot your hunting partner in the face. Um, about being safe? Really? I'm curious how Cheney defines "safe?" Apparently he's not factoring in friends you almost kill.

"hello? anybody here? ohmigod there's something coming at me in a horrifically bright blaze-orange vest, SHOOT IT! Uh, Harry? I thought you were a quail- sorry."

Let's talk about public safety under the Bush Administration. "American Idol" and reality TV boomed, how much more harm can we inflict on a nation? Isn't that enough? Lady Gaga came out of the Bush Administration as did Fountains of Wayne. Let the evidence speak for itself. I think I have made my case.

Ok, so under Obama there are a few casualties: Rihanna isn't as safe, but that's not his fault. Skiing accidents have harmed more than Obama has. True, the Ocotmom has emerged, but her pregnancy started in the Bush Administration and we are counting inception!

Truthfully, it's way to early to judge Obama, so shouldn't Cheney just shut his yap for a bit?

Yes, he who shoots his dear friends ought to just roll away back under a rock and play Cat's Cradle with Sarah Palin and clan.

Are they really that lucky?

I'm not so sure I'd want the luck of the Irish.

First there's the whole potato famine thing that nearly wiped out Ireland, then there's the "alcoholic/vomiting explosively into the street" imagery/stereotype that pretty much gets attached to anyone who drinks beer in the country (it doesn't happen to every one...but, Frank McCourt wasn't doing anyone any favors when he wrote about it in "Angela's Ashes") and then there's a bunch of other stuff that just doesn't seem so lucky: IRA bombings, lots of rain, having to kiss a stone, Guinness Stout and I'm sure the lord of that dance is clogging around somewhere in the moors, not letting anyone nap! It almost reminds me of being a rabbit and wondering how on earth could losing one's foot be seen as lucky? Guess 'tis in the shining (Irish) eyes of the beholder.

FOUR WORDS:
Lucky Charms
Shamrock Shakes

These two items alone could almost convert me, almost. Fortunately, one I can pick up at the market any day of the week, so converting for Lucky Charms, although magically delicious, would be highly dramatic and symbolic at best, but not much more. Shamrock Shakes, on the other hand...well, they are as elusive as a Leprechaun's pot of gold! Where the hell did all the Shamrock Shakes go? Did a jealous Scot snap up the recipe and place it in Brigadoon? What gives with McDonald's making them so hard to find? That thick minty green shake is such a yummy treat, why did they make them go away? Why? Why? Why? Making Shamrock Shakes impossible to locate isn't lucky for anyone!

ubiquitous

Apparently, Facebook is all the rage. (FYI- "The Hills", RIP)

Take a moment to compose yourself- it be true! Wipe the smirks off of your face, I have known about it for quite awhile now, but, unlike the new 90210, this actually did gather steam and become something. It's just when my peeps and co-workers are discussing it, Facebook is quickly becoming the motorcycle careening about 2/3rd of the way across the shark tank, heading towards the crash landing.

2/3rd of the population are on fb and now more people are using facebook email to converse than regular email, NFW!! It is almost impossible to avoid a FB-based discussion these days....crazy I tell you!

So my question, what's next? Will the mainstream flock to Twitter and tweet all day?
Or is the use similar enough that "the sequel" won't equal the original? Damn You Valley of the Dolls "Matrix Reloaded" and Cheryl Ladd!

Ok, back to your status updates, and you know what I mean...

...and Danity Kane?

Wow West Virginia!
The world is going through some of the most challenging circumstances most people have ever lived through- okay, there have been some trying time like wondering who shot JR, understanding the pet rock phenom, having to listen to Taste of Honey, learning to disco and working through the emotions after learning about the cancelling of "Saved by the Bell," but currently the financial market and world economy is kind of a big deal.

So, given what is going on right now, leave it to a West Virginian congressman to decide that NOW is the best time launch (what is most-likely a subversive pissed-off Bratz-owner attack) to discuss the merits of Barbie- for real! Just because the girls there aren't pretty doesn't mean you have to take away beautification objects!

Now I don't mean Barbi Benton (where have those Hee-Haw days gone?) or the twins, I mean the one and only, beach house in Malibu, Barbie doll. This guy, Jeff Eldridge, believes that she is a bad role model and should be banned, in all of WV! Outlaw the bitch doll! Make her illegal to own in the state.

Three simple thoughts on this:
Guns, Tobacco, and Walmart.

As long as those are legal in West Virginia, Barbie ain't the biggest problem facing young women growing up in West Virginia; quite frankly, growing up in West Virginia is the problem.

Guns- pretty obvious there the imminent threat of death or maiming
Tobacco- horrid for the health and development of anybody
Walmart- sells lots of stuff that can ruin a young girl: make-up, Danity Kane Cd's, marriage licenses and leotards to name a few.

West Virginia, leave the broad alone, she's turning 50 this week and who wouldn't want to look that good at 50?

Leeeaaavvveee Baarrbbiiee Alllloonnneee!!!

Why not leave Barbie alone and go for real change...move away.

Snow-topped memories

The snow crashed down on Atlanta yesterday, and it lasted about as long as the solo careers of the first two chicks from Destiny's Child. No, not Michelle and Kim- they are WAY more successful.

This made me think of Robert Frost and his "Road Not Taken" poem. No, there is no snow in his poem, just the two paths going in separate directions, and, I am pretty sure, there aren't any busted-down ex-girl group singers wandering along that proverbial road of Robert Frost's, since "the leaves were unstirred", but still I wonder, "what's up with LeToya and Farrah these days?" What road, apparently a hell of a lot less Beyonce traveled, did they end up wandering down? Has either of them been part of "Dancing with the Stars" or "Celebrity Apprentice"? Are they really the "Survivors" that the CD wanted us all to believe? Just where are they?

Maybe they are selling hair extensions on HSN, old Dereon couture at flea markets or mixing it up as back-up dancer on the PussyCat Dolls videos. Naw, I doubt Nicole would let them on the set, "they got to go".

HHmmm. I think I have given them more "thought time" than most.

I guess the snowfall just made me nostalgic.

Next.