on my radar: pollyanna

As I was reading McPaper today I came across an article (and photos) that really got me to thinking about how lucky I am that I'm not famous (yet)! As the media continues to crash the images of the train wreck of Britney Spears through your TV and into your dining room area (as good of a reason as any not to watch TV while eating dinner!), and we watch her go from Annette Funicello to Courtney Love/Frances Farmer with a quick flick of the wrist and an electric shaver, I was startled to see how in just 2.5 years the same transformation happened to the other Amtrak accident, Amy Winehouse. Look at how beautiful she used to be in mid-2005.

I know there's a lot of pressure on women these days to promote a certain image and shape, and I mean no disrespect to the Twiggy's and leaner women of the world, but common on, you have to admit the 2005 image is so much healthier and vibrant (and less tattooed 'she'll always have you') than v.08!

I rarely like to step on others to make myself feel better (it's usually just for fun), but...if any of you need a quick personal "pick-me-up", maybe you should just be happy you are you, and not Amy or Britney. If that doesn't work, watch an ep. of Celebrity Rehab to do the trick...or sing along with MJB (below)! One of these will definitely do the trick!!

on my radar: the state of the president (confusion)

Oh what will be said tonight when we are addressed (for the final time! Almost hurt my self jumping up and down) by W? Anybody listening in? I hope he tackles the tough stuff and then stops; give us his predictions for the Oscar race and if the WGA strike will be over anytime soon (well, he was pretty lame at predicting a short war with Iraq, what makes me think he'll do better on American soil?) finger point at the dirty sports players and then leave the podium. Maybe give us some inside scoop on what killed Heath Ledger and then go away...

Golly that would be nice, but I doubt it.

Five platforms I would like to think he could focus on this year:

1. His daughter's wedding- who doesn't love a wedding (if you get to have one...)
2. Revisiting the medical licenses of Dr Phil and Dr Adams (or appoint a committee)
3. Catch up on "24"
4. Start renting moving vans
5. Maybe kick out Rhode Island from the union or annex Canada...

Just thinking these projects could help keep him from doing anything important, like fix the economy, end the war, peace in the middle east, environmental stuff...like the first 7 years.

on my radar: it starts with an "R"

"Recess is all I ever wanted,
Recesses helped me get away,
Recession's bringing the US economy to such a low"

Where's that hunk of cheese the government used to push on us every Saturday morning during cartoons? Schoolhouse Rock used to say, "when your get up and go has got up and gone...hankering for a hunka cheese (see video below)" implying that eating cheese will heal your blues (hello future fat Americans!). Well, here's to hoping that the broken-hearted in Green Bay can spare some cheese and ship it to Washington DC, because we need that cheese now! Our economy has got up and gone...

The word mumbled in back alleys and chatrooms has finally been allowed to be spoken on the airwaves; we are finally able to say the word that has been verboten up till now, "Pat, I'd like to solve the puzzle, "RECESSION!" It's now on more lips than Chapstick is, in Buffalo, in January.

Will $300-$800 per person really stimulate the economy? Is this shot in the arm a vaccine or placebo? Will anybody really learn fiscal responsibility (without watching Suzie) when the gov't continues to bail out foolish spenders and lenders? I doubt it. Is it comforting to know the government is spending more time going after steroid users in professional sports than bad loan providers that have destabilized the global markets? I sleep better at night knowing "our" big fix will have little to do with helping most American's checkbooks but will produce accurate (or astericked) sporting record books. Phew!

What bums me out most is how a good word has gone bad. In school a recess was a great break from stress and teachers, but a recession is a break from prosperity and a source of stress and indicates we need a few good economy teachers. Go figure!

on my radar: Sybil Rights

For a disorder not often front-page news (its last big hurrah was Sally Field's "Sybil"), multiple personalities is making a come back! ("Dont call it comeback, I've been here for years")

Just last week two high profile personalities (and I am going to use their most famous "personality" for simplicity sake) admitted to suffering from this psychotic disorder.

Okay, no one is shocked about Britney; maybe there are even a few relieved peeps thankful for this diagnoses so that they can rationalize the past 3 years (encompassing that awful marriage, "Blackout", the British accent, and endless hours of TMZ footage) of her existence with a simple dismissal of "it wasn't really her". I beg to differ, unless she goes back far enough to also include the making of "Crossroads", it's all or nothing for me! Interestingly enough, that would date us back to 2002 and also excuse 2003's "In the Zone" CD. And what else happened in 2002? Her break-up with JT! Now, I'm no shrink (or Dr. Phil), but I'm comfortable going out on a limb on this one; by delicately tip-toeing back through the past 5 years of Britney's life, it is readily apparent that all of Britney's problems are because of her break-up with Justin. There, it's been said! Cry me a river!

Herschel Walker, on the other hand, seems a bit more surprising seeing how's there's nothing he has to explain away: he won the Heisman and Georgia won the football championship during his time. But, according to a book coming out later this year, he, too (two?), suffers from multiple personalities. Maybe signing with the USFL could have been a clue? It will be interesting to see his story.

Given the propensity for strange behavior, might Prince Frederick von Anhalt (Zsa Zsa's husband) or Amy Winehouse be far behind in their declarations of co-inhabitants of the self?

on my radar: Somewhere Over the Rambo

When Hollywood gives you lemon actors, America gets Rambo movies.
Aren't we tired of getting squeezed and screwed!

Catching the preview for yet another Sylvester Stallone movie, I experienced an "anesthesia awareness" moment; the sheer stupidity of "Rambo" (part "far too many") being produced caused me go numb, I couldn't move, yet I was feeling so much pain inside- could anyone hear my internal scream? I would rather watch the "Golden Girls" wrestle nude, in mud, or run a cheese grater over my shins, than be caught paying to see this movie! For the sake of "The English Patient" or "The Secret Lives of Others" (or "Fletch" for that matter), why is celluloid ever committed to a project with Sly's name attached? Couldn't Sally Struthers be fed for a week for the same cost of the making this movie? I'd rather see "Sally the Hut" fed than another xenophobic "Rambo" shoot'em up get made! "Mama's Family" plots are more intricate and intelligent than a Rambo script!

I used to be against waterboarding, but I'm rethinking that position with the stipulation that it only be used in extreme emergencies that would keep the US safe from terror attacks, and for the people who finance Sylvester Stallone movies, because really, unleashing another Stallone movie into theaters is a terrorist attack.

Possibly, while Congress is taking on the steroid/hgh issue with baseball players, Rep. Waxman could just lump Stallone (and 50 Cent and Mary J Blige) in with the others being call forth to testify, and force Stallone (why not make him the poster boy for what happens to people who use them drugs- that's scare me shitless!) to appear on Capitol Hill, far far away from the hills of Hollywood; by the time Stallone strings together enough monosyllabic words to form a lucid sentence, it would be 2009 or 2010 and no "Crouching Rambo, Hidden Asian" movie could be release because Stallone wasn't available to promote it! Brilliant!

on my radar: thinning the herd

One of my favorite times of the year is here, it's when we are given the chance to reflect back on 2007 and remember those who left us; and why they had to go. The world is safer and smarter with them not around. Connect to the link and pick your favorite story!
R.I.P.

on my radar: peace treaty

last night i had the strangest dream
Bush was on a little slow boat to China
hoping for some peace to find ya
but then he said he had to get his laundry clean

WTF does President Bush think (does he think?) he is doing promising a peace treaty by year's end? Unless someone made him the arbitrator to the Writer's Guild strike and he mistook the Middle East for East Beverly Hills, and that's not a stretch for him to do, there is no way that he is going to broker a peace agreement between Israel and the Palestinians! Hell, he can't get us out of the mess that is our 7 year long Iraqi war!

I know he has a once-used banner "Mission Accomplished" folded up and tucked away in his closet, but he shouldn't get his hopes up that that sign will be used anywhere again in 2008 unless it's hanging outside of the Democratic National office in November (oh please! oh please! oh please!).

It scares me that he thinks he can hokey-pokey his way into a situation and just "make it work":
"you put your peace treaty in, you pull your troops out, mix up land borders and shake the people about, you do the peace-treaty pokey, that's what it's all about! Iraq now!"

Maybe Bush should stay "his course" in this last (lame duck) year and continue the current policy of ignoring everything significant and create big wins in the minor league stuff, like resolving the writer's strike! Bush could remove those pesky ambassadors from countries he can't locate (would any be left?) and have them work out of the Beverly Hilton until there's an agreement to get Wisteria Lane back in tip-top post tornado shape! Everybody wins with less reality tv!!

So, Bush should save the real stuff for the next president to clean up, man I hope s/he has a big mop!, and focus on getting us more 24! But, on second thought, can the strike be that bad if it's keeping the "Bionic Woman" off the air??

quote of the day (month)!

Every now and then someone says something just so damn astute it just makes me want to stand up and shout, "AMEN BROTHER!" or dance a little jig and celebrate the wisdom of others (often I am left doubting it).

So, of all the wacky places to get this type of inspiration, I find it in a discussion of Britney Spears and her need for medical help...and with no further delay, the most eloquent quote of my day...

"But there's a difference between being detained involuntarily for psychological treatment and being forced to endure Dr. Phil involuntarily."

Yippee! Smack that!

Hallelujah! Barely 10 AM and my day can be considered complete! A Dr. Phil Smackdown!

on my radar: redundancy

it's so hard
to say goodbye
to yesterday

Fight as I might, I feel myself back-pedaling into 2007. I told myself '07 is gone and now I must shepherd myself forward into '08 and see where the chips fall- no going back to 2007 stories; and for about 23 hours there was silence and bliss, like a park after a fresh snowfall, yet to be disturbed by the young ones. Then it happened, the rapid crashing-to-earth reality, like watching the New Year's ball drop in fast-motion, 2007 was everywhere in these wee few hours of 2008. The dams didn't hold! 2007 was seeping in everywhere. I was frantically yelling to Jack and Rose to run, the ship did not miss the iceberg, we were sinking!

What first surfaced were the pictures of Ms. Lohan, off the wagon and downing the bubbly, half a world away. She was back and TMZ was taking us there. Hadn't she "Promised", from 2007, to stay out of the limelight and not drink alcohol? "Freaky Rehab Friday" redux, already?!?

Not to be out done, less than 48 hours later, and a mere 72 into a new year, there goes Britney in an ambulance- off for psycho evaluations (not of the "Medium" kind!) Sadly, I wanted for the bygone days of a bald-headed and umbrella-toting mouseketeer;
gurney-strapped and daft was not what I envisioned for ringing in 2008.

And so it goes, nary 100 hours into 2008 and the issues of 2007 resurface, a clean slate shattered; in the words of Britney, "you wanna a piece of it"?