on my radar: Leapster

How does adding one single, lonely, February day to the year, once every for years, correlate to the concept of moving (or progressing) forward, such as a "leap?" Adding a day to the calendar is contrary to leaping forward, infact, it's delaying the process of time marching forward in a civil and steady manner! Feb. 29th is actually a regression, a delay, a step back in the movement of time, a hiccup in the perpetual motion of the "pendulum arcing of our lives." When I say, "Mother may I take two steps forward?" and I am told, "No, but you can add one more day," that does not get me nearer to my target! Regardless of quantums or faiths or frogs, being put in a holding pattern for one more day does not make for a leap!! Along the lines of a "drive way", which you don't drive on (you park), or "gingerbread men", who are cookies, not breads, or "Starr Jones", who is not a star, Leap year is another misnomer! Why don't we call it what it is and rename today "extra" or "just one more" or "super-sized February day?" Or, if we were really lucky, we'd get to call it "holiday" and always get this day off! That would make me dance like there was no tomorrow and leap for joy!

on my radar: Forced!

Damn it!

It's coming up on Thursday and I have to go to work, again!
This will mark the fourth day IN A ROW that I have had to show up at my 10x10 cell and put in about 9 hours of being present, pleasant and polite (not served in equal quantities, mind you) this week. Can you believe the nerve of my company to demand such a slavesque (ain't no disrespecting anybody with this comment, ok Starr?) performance out of me, week-in and week-out? Goodness, If I were Clemens I'd swear my boss was McNamee!

Let me break this down to what I am forced to do:
I have to wake up (and then actually get up)at an ungodly hour just to make sure I get to work on time- how unreasonable is that? I barely have any control of one of man's most primitive functions, sleeping, all because my company demands me to show up to work by about 8.30AM. Ooh!
I have to be somewhat dressed in a passably businessy-casual sort of way, not too Cody Diablo, but not too George Hamilton either. This forces me to pay attention to fashion trends and GAP and Banana Republic commercials, so as not to be dressed offensively. Thus, I have to help do my part to stave off the recession by spending money on said attire so I can go to said job by said designated time.

Lord, I am not even to work and I have had to do sooo much already!
I need to eat or I will be worse than Oscar the Grouch to be around, hence I must educate myself on finer dining tips and purchase the perfect coffee mug that will help convey both me and my java to the workplace with out a scalding incident. Hhmm, there's a workers comp claim just waiting to be filed!

My blood is practically boiling just thinking about everything I HAVE TO DO for my company to allow me to work for it! It's drinking down just about every sip of my milkshake! The nerve of my organization to do all of this to me! I 'm just wondering, can I sue them for forcing me to do all of this?

Well, if she can sue, why can't I try?

Would most agree this is harassment? (click here for link)

on my radar: worst ratings ever?

Oh fiddle-dee-dee! Despite the end of the writer's strike 2 weeks ago, the Oscars were broadcast as if the strike was still going on, given all the film montages and horrible lines that were doggedly trotted out over the very excruciating painful night. Jon Stewart couldn't get a good joke handed to him if Glad Trash Bags were a sponsor and Tilda Swinson a presenter! Seriously, no, seriously, what was up with that dress?

So I am left wondering, in that Monday-morning-quarterback sort of way, was I channeling my inner psychic to predict a drab Oscar night or was it simply karma because the writer's strike took so much time to resolve?

Initial ratings place the night's viewership down markedly from last year, I guess I wasn't alone in the blase approach to "Hollywood's Biggest Night!" It was just hard to get all psyched up for this award show knowing Lindsay Lohan couldn't win and Burt Reynold's wouldn't be presenting and Jimmy Kimmel and Ben Affleck's skit would never make the show.

But karma may have been afoot, lest we forget that under all that glitters and shines in Hollywood, the foundation for success is almost always built from strong writers and when you go off like the big executives did and drag out a resolution for months, costing the industry about $2.5 billion, something just might come back and bite ya in the ratings like another "Howard the Duck" film. Talk about lame...

Hey, what was up with the slick spot on the stage (karma?), about 4 stars (Miley, Colin, John T., and someone else...) almost bit it big time walking out; that would have given us something to talk about...were the janitors on strike?

If ya missed it:
Highlights : Heidi Klum and Renee Zellweger dresses
Low: Tilda Swinson

on my radar: and the winner is...

Are the Oscar's really only a couple days away? I'm having a Julie Christie moment and I wish it would go away- I just keep forgetting about them! Dare I suggest that they have become like Montel Williams' show, irrelevant in our time and bound for green acres far from the Kodak Theatre?

Maybe I could blame it on the WGA, damn those gifted folks who had me at hello and then treated me like a losing lottery ticket, tossing me aside for Internet porn residuals; like anybody really scripts those movies! I am no Sean Young, I respect those who craft and create the movies. I didn't heckle nominees at the DGA award, why punish me with a case of indifference so close to show time? What have I done to deserve this?

I am not emotionally numb, I want for more LOST! I (not for those of weaker stomachs to read any further) look forward to my next drink with Lauren and Audrina while we mock Heidi's video! Is it so wrong to be more excitable about opening the Tyramail envelope then caring about a name in an envelope? So where did my love for the academy go?

Can I blame my malaise on Britney? Her hokey-pokie moves at the VMA started the decline of the Hollywood Empire, formally known as award shows season. No, I won't! Do not make fun of those who can not help themselves...where's that hussey Jamie Lynne hiding?


Oh, I feel dirty. I feel like Matthew McConaughy looks on most days- I need a good scrub and a familiar red carpet to reignite my Oscar senses. I feel somehwat unAmerican not having much of an Oscar spirit. I need a dose of bitchy Joan Rivers to get my juices flowing again. I need some really bad dresses and hairstyles to kick it all back in gear! Yes, this award show junkie can still be saved! Throw me a curve ball for Best Actor and I'm hooked again!

on my radar: my Valentine's gift

In one of the worst movie dialogues ever written, "love meant never having to say you are sorry." That just doesn't cut it for me. I am sharing with you all a very special Valentine's treat, and am already apologizing for it! Hopefully it'll bring you closer to the one you love...

To help speed the return of "The Hills" and reduce your DT's...(again, I'm sorry)




FYI. Heidi said, "I had no idea people would act so negatively toward it," at EA's Burnout Paradise launch party, regarding their surfside production. "It was literally a fun day on the beach. Spencer and I were just there, and he had a camera in his trunk, and we were like, Why don't we just shoot it? Paris did it with her video. Madonna did one, too."

Oh yeah, just like Madonna's...

Someone's been drinking their own Kool-aid!

on my radar: dully noted

So the Grammy's kind of came and went without much of a whimper, some what like the run of "Gossip Girls" over on the CW, or would it be more appropriate to say like the "Miss America" pageant? Quick, who won 2008's Miss America (she was crowned just 2 weeks ago....)? Miss Michigan!

Nothing is likely to become iconic, like Britney's "movement on the stage (I dare not call it dancing for the love of Carrie Anne and Bruno) at the VMA's, or JLo's dress a few years back; and with Amy scheduled to perform there was sooo much potential! Might I suggest it was a tad dull?

The Cliff Notes version of the Grammy's would read something like this:

Rehab (contrary to prior assessments) is for winners, Obama beats another Clinton, Kayne is still an arrogant a**hole, feathers just don't make for a great dress, Rihanna (unless Ellen's swan counts), they are for dusting, which is pretty much what Amy Winehouse did to the competetion, "American Idol" is a force to be reckoned with within the "legit" music industry, Aretha Franklin is close to the size of a Macy's balloon in the Thanksgiving Day parade, can Kanye see in those glasses or was that LeVar Burton, Tina can still roll on a river like nobody's business and no one will ever remember who won album of the year, better yet, has anyone bought it?

Well, there's always next year

on my radar: succeeding in failure

I'm getting pretty tired of VH-1 these days.

At one point (they too showed videos...) their reality stuff was kinda cool and funny and different; who'd ever think a show about "Flava Flav" or that stupid "Brady" boy or "Chachi", sucking as a bachelor, or Brett Michaels, finding more women in throwback outfits and behavior from the 80's, or a hootchie mama named "New York", would ever engage an audience of more than 4 drunk fraternity member or rejects from the casting of Jerry Springer?

Well kick me off Tempation Island and slap me upside the head with a Variety magazine and call me "out of touch"; those shows were cable hits! So what do those "reality god that be" decide for a follow-up act? Cloning! They have embraced the mantra of, "Let's clone the "effe" out of those MoFo shows! More of the same crap must be better!" And so you get "Rock of Love Two", "Flava 3", e.g..

What message does this send to anyone? Do you really think Flava will find new love if it means he won't get another season? These reality fools live and breathe TV exposure, trusting one day they'll be as big as they were when lightening struck that one time before. Will Brett quit trying to find the right person if every season he's spoon fed 20 bimbo's clad in nothing but peroxide and bandana's? Hell no! So please Mr. VH-1 dude, quit rewarding their failures with more chances at success.

And speaking of continual failures, did ya catch this dandy of a mug shot? Way to go Heidi Fleiss, and she was once a madam? Ya miss this Charlie Sheen?

on my radar: Zapruder redux?

The Superbowl is over. Football is over. Finally, my weekends are free, again!

I am okay with the Giants win; their defense, in my humble critique, is what made the difference. Sure, I was rooting for the Patriots, mainly to see history made in a 19-0 season and to quit hearing about the '72 Dolphins, and because I just like Wes Welker (what a great "underdog story of achievement") and Tom is hot, but the loss doesn't have me suffering like Jeff Conway in "Celebrity Rehab."

BUT, I swear, on what will soon be known as "The Catch 2", the spectacular catch made by Tyree that allowed the Giants to keep possession of the ball and push for the game-winning TD, I saw that ball touch the ground. Was I alone? I was shocked there wasn't a replay or challenge to the call....Did my 20-15, lasik enhanced vision, let me down at this critical moment? Here's the video, would you have questioned the call? Watch when the helmet and ball come down.

Catch or Not?

on my radar: Mayor McCheesey

Don't do the crime if you ain't got the time!

Great drama is unfolding in Detroit and it has nothing to do with 8 Mile or M&M!

The current mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick, had an affair with Christine Beatty, his chief of staff, several years ago; both were married at the time. The mayor used his bodyguards to cover up the tryst. Two police who investigated the affair and cover-up were fired by the mayor. The police alleged the firings were unfair because of their whistle-blower investigation. During this trial, both Kwame and Christine, under oath, denied their affair. The jury found in favor of the fired police, costing Detroit tax payers $6.5 million. Now, old text messages sent between Kwame and Christine have been discovered and prove they did have an affair. Chrisitine has quit, but the mayor, named by Time magazine in 2005 as one of "America's worst mayors," says he will not. What the hell?

How can this man, who is a lawyer (and can face losing his law license or perjury charges), think he can do the city any good by staying in office? His selfish behavior and cut throat survivalist mentality expose everyone around him to the dangerous actions he will take for his own gains. The only people getting screwed, without having the pleasure of an orgasm, happen to be the people of Detroit (like the Lions and Tigers don't let them down enough already)! They've paid once for the lawsuit and are likely to pay again in a legal battle. What example is Kilpatrick setting to those out on 8 Mile by saying I can lie and not be held accountable? Which laws don't apply to him? Why should they apply to anyone else?

I wish Eli Stone could fly in that bi-plane to Detroit and represent the city against the mayor: as Eli emerges from the courthouse, victoriously, they could use the background music, "I fought the law and the law won!"