Celebrity Fit Test

Every now and then, when I mix amongst the common people ("have to wait in line for that damn Starbucks' concoction"), and opt to hear the plebeians shouting questions at me, (I mean really, do they understand who they are shouting at?) I like to embrace and bestow my altruistic nature upon them, and so I will answer them, "Quit the F@#$! shouting at me!"

No, really, I don't quite say that, my smile says that, and then my publicist cuts me off before I utter a single swear word.

My favorite question is always, how do you know if you are, or are not, a celebrity?

Well, if you have to ask, why not ask that to Kathy Griffin, bitch!

So, for the good of mankind and VH-1 viewers everywhere, and you know who you 8 are, I felt it was incumbent for me to set the world straight with a simple Celebrity Fit test. These simple question will help you identify what your status is:

Celebrity Fit Test:
1. Have you had a pregnancy that resulted in multiple births? Aaron Spelling shines down on pretty people with double the children
2. Is there a scent created/named for you? please don't wear it!
3. Do you talk to people who yell at you with cameras and bright lights in your face? (If TMZ taught me anything, when I watched it, is that real celebs don't answer unless they are drunk or high)
4. Have you been declared dead but just been really drunk?
5. Do friends have to remind you of last weekend before you read about it on the newsstand?
6. Have you guest starred on "30 Rock" or SNL this season?
7. Have you ever been on VH-1?


Answer key:

Answering "YES" to questions 1, 2 and 6 only means you are a B-list celeb (like an A-lister would take this test- their publicist would for them!)
Answering "YES" to any other questions means you may simply be from "The Hills" or are a stalker/drunk or past child star grasping again for glory days and a paycheck from someone besides Applebees and GEICO.